Friday, May 26, 2006
--[ the story seas have calm down ]--
living with a guilt aint' easy.
today was an emotional day for me. finally knowing that i dunt have to think anymore. everything is known.
today. is the day where i finally chatted with him. tho we never talk for years, it just brings comfort knowing that everthing is alright. i'm being forgiven and all.
he was right, ppl like us aren't meant to be friends, it will just bring explortion everywhere.
just knowing that the stormy seas have finally calm, one problem gone.
it's weird, the felling i mean. all warmth and cozy inside of me, like finally the burdena nd the guilt that i have been carrying with me all this while is finally gone. everything was finally ok.
anyways he can't see us being friends but well mabye i do, if only i can put my jealousy out and andhe put his thingy out we could be friends, we could be normal.
like he said, nothing is weird.
other than that, life goes on, u meet ppl u trust ppl, ppl bitch behind ur back and all... that life, live it, risk it, take a step out of the door, take another step and explore.
today i finaly feel better. tho the guilt will remains and slowly fades away i wont forget today.
and to my sgy, dont work to hard. enjoy life while u still can.
i learn new things everyday, and there are still many question unanswered...
anyways good luck for you Ancient Civaliazation Thingy. god bless.
| caught in rapture @ 1:44 AM|
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Monday, May 15, 2006
--[ becoming a dad ]--
shit, she's 4 months pregnant, wow... kewl... wonder when did i do it with her... the smart things is, her boss knew it was me... how amazing is that?
well hm wanna sked her to go doc for a scan to determine the gender but she wants it to be a suprice...
so yeah hmmm... other than that i'm perfectly fine...
| caught in rapture @ 12:35 AM|
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Friday, May 12, 2006
--[ i got it all... ]--
come to think of it, i got it all even tho i dont have you...
i have my childhood friend, Feez, Dino, Ana, and the gals...
i have my smart friends, Azyy, Rin...
i have my cousin, Keem, Nakiah...
i have my outside friends, Ary, Dian, Adek
i have, Mizah, Cin, Fateen...
most of al i have Huda, and DUDE...
my world didn't came crumbling down the second time u left, it is standing taller than ever...
lol... actually i have noth to wrote today...
all i know is that i made someone smile today...
and that makes me happy...
a smile goes a long way...
| caught in rapture @ 1:25 AM|
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Tuesday, May 09, 2006
--[ tidak pernah terlintas ]--
semakin hari semakin bingung aku dibuatnye. siapakah aku? soalan yang sering terlintas difikiranku. apakah sebabnya ku wujud dalam dunia ini. siapakah mereka? setiap muka yang terlintas di hadapan ku?
entahlah mengapa, semakin hari, dunia ini semakin berkegelapan, sebuah mimpi negri yang tidak dapat dibangkit. aku hanya mampu bersabar. menerima semuanya. mungkin setiap kejadian ada sebabnya.
mungkin ia susah untuk menerima dengan rela hati, tetapi tetap aku cuba memahami. setiap kemurungan yang ku menagalami tentu adalah cabaran yang diberi tuhan. susah benar untuk aku menukar cara jalan hidup ku, susah sungguh untuk aku kembali ke pangkal jalan. lebih susah lagi hidup keseorangan; tada yang memahami ku. tuhan hanya lah tahu perasaan yang ku menhidapi.
sekolah semkain membosankan. adakah kerana kekurangan kawan? aku harus bersemangat untuk mencapai cita2ku. aku harus bersabar, menerima setip penghinaan and cacian yang dilemparkan. aku hanya mampu merangcan hidup ini tetapi tuhan menentukan nya.
entahlah mengapa, aku semakin gemar dengan berbahasa. mungkin peperisaan 'O' bahasa akan tiba dan mungkin aku akhirnya memahami asal usul ku. aku seorang anak melayu; belajar keluar negara untuk ke Aus sudah ku pangkakan. kerana aku tahu aku akan hanyut dengan pengaruhan barat.
semakin hari semkain lemah ku menjadi, semakin kekurangan sesuatu. kekurangan seorang kawan, seorang rakan., seorang sahabat.
setiap kali mata ku memejam , aku cuba mengingatkan diriku keindahan dunia. keindahan kehidupan. and harus sering bersabar.
| caught in rapture @ 8:11 PM|
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--[ what ppl think of me ]--
Eliz:
handsome and mature...
Nad:
fun, reliable and sum times quite irritating... hahaha it's fun to hav a frend like u, just that somtimes you are too irritating...
Zai:
friendly,handsome, ermm...
Mai:
i tink ure interesting, fun to chat wif, creative, artistic, noe hw to use tat sewing machine, and lyk arts alot
hmmm... life sux u know... it just plain sux... been long since i kast chat to huda... where you go? i miss u so, sometimes its been forever... hahah LAME!!!
i'm so farking tired... life ttly sux... friends aren't friends forever... never say forever if u don't meant it...
now is the time for me to be a real egoistic bastard, to be a jerk and most of all a pain in the ass...
| caught in rapture @ 7:03 PM|
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Monday, May 08, 2006
--[ anak warisan melayu ]--
setiap kali mata ku bewrkelipan. aku cuba bayangkan masa depanku... siapakah aku, dimana kah akan aku berada pada masa yang akan datang. cita-citaku ialah untuk menjadi seorang pereka fasyen tetapi adakah iitu yang aku akan menjadi? ku berfikir pada jangka yang panjang dan akhirnye jawapan yang di pamerkan di kaca televisyen.
aku mahu menjadi orang biasa, aku mahu ke kolej, aku mahu mengambil undang-undang atau pon architecture. walaupun sukar untuk ku mencapaikinya, aku akan cuba degang sedaya upaya. tidak semestinya aku menambil art, aku harus berjaya dalam bidang itu. Dude telah membuat aku memahami ini semua. naluriku berkata bahawa bidang art bukan lah untuk ku, aku tidak sejinak rakan2 yang lain yang menambil dalam bidang itu.
aku sebagai anak wasisan melayu tidak harus lupa diri, tidah harus melupakan diriku ini. sebagai seorang insan, aku hanya mampu berfikir, menciba, untuk sampai ke arah yang aku mahui.
kini sudah hampir dua bulan aku berfikir, dua bulan nya hampir tamat. aku masih berfikir. manalah tahu, fikiranku kan bertukar lagi?
manusia hanya mampu merancang tetapi tuhan menentukan nya....
| caught in rapture @ 2:01 PM|
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Thursday, May 04, 2006
--[ the day that i say u cry ]--
well wad i'm writing now has got nothing to do with the heading... hahaa
there's a party next week i and i'm not invited.... :'( well i dont care actually but they least she could do is invite me...haha i can't go anyways since her bf is my worst enemy hahaha... welll actually i'm not sure about this...
went to lunch with aslam, wawan, azri and leen just now... super fun i think... it was fullof lameness all around... and hmm yeah i got another invitation on sitting with the guys during recess... well haha i dont want too, coz there is too many guys...a dn when guys are with guys they talk about crappy things... haha well ture... a
anyways Dude say i dont have to do anything if i dont want toa nd i dunt need to give them a reason... btw dude is really fuck up about me not studying... well dude i can't study... unless if dude really put his effort to make me... match tomorrow theres only 5 topics and iacn't no any... like wtf... aiming to get at least a 2 digit number for my math... geogs tomorrow... and i ahve no idea wad to study since our teacher with those many2 beautifuk shoes didnt really teach by the text...
anyways, thinking of buying a new phione... dad say it is ok..
hmm been long since i had a quarrel with him... well hmm ahve to get his birthday present tomorrow... haha and some wrapping paper... for my cousin presentthat i have to wrap...
btw dude... trynot to saty awake today coz i reallyneed to sleep...
so anyways... hmmm ihave no idea wad else to say hahaha...
btw thanks lizzei for giving me some encouragement to study... but too bad, i'm just to lazy to work my brain cells...
| caught in rapture @ 11:41 PM|
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Wednesday, May 03, 2006
-- [ stuff ] --
confession, i'm in love with dude!!! he's so hot!!! hahaah well i;m in love with his drop dead gorgeous killer smile... with those dimples!!! a
anyways dude promise to teach me to find my own killer smile... hahaha smiling lesson ever heard of that??
dude farking mean. he dosent wanna go out with me today... fuck dude! anyways he wanted me to study for my exam... hahah well cool dude. dude is a good freind, i think otherwise... and dude stop screwing me at your blog... hahah u are making me go crazy...
enough of dude... no body wants to hear much of u anyways hahaha... chill...
gonnameet dino later next week for a movie... gonna drag feez along.. together with come chicks.. hah alol... chicks: naz, diana, and blah blah blah not sureif they wanna go hahaha... well hopefully dino never bring his mates along.. they are kinda annoying but fun.. actaullyi never met them before... haha
anyways goona study for my exam soon... since dude wanted me to pass... kinda funny, dude is like leading mylife and i'm just obeying all his commands... eh dude...
hmmm... btw my wall came crumbling down, and i manage to escape... picking myself up off the ground alone... well dude help a lil, he help, by laughing... dude, u sux u know that... hahaha... seriously... u should stop bitching...
well ppl thats all hahaha actually this post is basically to annoy dude... btw dude, u are a good mate... haha u are always tehre when i got no one... hahaha... cheers mate!
| caught in rapture @ 8:58 PM|
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Monday, May 01, 2006
--[ sumthing new, trying to change a few ]--
got a new friend, mona. met her at irc... kinda kewl. wait, before YOU jump to any conclusion, she's 21 and hmm yeah... she's very sisterly, well not really. i'm a good entertainer hahah... so everything was great.
anyways... my mate frinds wanna like know me better... and i as like... sure... coz yeah she's my mate frind... dunt wanna make him look bad...
anywyas, i was thinking of buying that perl pendant including chain... i saw... but i'm not sure about it, coz i'm not sure she'll wear it and i'm not sure weather it can be seen if she wear it... hahaha.
i miss mai man... haha but she's back from thailand!! hahahah... welcome back dude!
wanna go arab street sometime this week... wanna get come cloth for my "beep" hahah... hope it works... hahaha...
| caught in rapture @ 10:14 PM|
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