Saturday, September 30, 2006

--[c0nfession]--

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
re-evaluating my life and all.
this isn't the life i wanted.
this isn't what i want.
i never really wanna be: a fashion designer.
i wanna be a journalist; a world renown.

so how i end up in fashion?
everyone is doing it.
and why did i do it?
b'boz i had an opputunity to go towards it.

this has been a wake up call for me.
you all always think u know wad u want.
but once u get it, it is a lil different.
so whatthe hell am i still doing fashion?
is it really my intrest?
or izzit just something that i know i could get,
izzit because i have loads of connections?
i'm confuse.

what happen to that lil boy who always wanted to be a journalist?
the one who frequently asked question?
the one who thinks that all the infomation given is not adequate?

what happen to that novel he was writing?
wad happen to all those great articles he's been keeping?
wad happen to his online forum?

all of that is gone,
i'm the kinda person who can take others emotions and make it be mine...
i can mimic an emotion of a person feelings.

fashion? it is just a phase?
would i die to get a positon in the fashion industry?
no.
coz if i'm dead, i'll have no position.
but i would wanna be a journalis cum magazine editor,

that would be different.
i love to write?
i love to play with words
i'm good at it.

designing?
i have no idea...

i've been expose to so many thing since i was little,
a blessing most of you might say
but it is a curse to me..

i can do:
t-shirt
jewellries
dresses
lingerie
boxers
pottery
mini-mag
poetry
novel
short stories
buisness
marketing
etc...

but wad do i really want?
ther is something deep within me yet to be discover,
fashion is teh surface,
journilist is just under it...
what deeper in the end is yet to be known.
it takes trial and errors to get waht you want.
and i'm re-evaluating my life again.

btw, friends arent friends forever


| caught in rapture @ 4:06 AM|

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Friday, September 29, 2006

--[friend or foe]--

have u ever heard of teh term
'keep your friends close, keep your enemy closer'
i'm having trouble here...
i keeps me thinking weather certain ppl in my life are just there,
for that reason...
i have this guy friend, we werent in good term before
but we are now... so...
friend or foe?

and then there is ary,
another guy friend of mine...
stop toking, stop sms-ing,
he was one a great deal in my life...
but ever since i stop giving him gals number,
it just stop...
freiend or foe?

and then thereis this gal, i'm sure u guys know her...
the one who didnt believe in me.
she WAS my bestfriend [another hint]
well, i was always there for her,
but was she always there for me...
nope, never,
weren't there during my competition,
weren't there during my sis got engage,
weren't there wheni was down,
she did one thign tho, make me crash to teh ground,
when i was falling already.
friend or foe?

friend or foe,
friend or foe,
friend or foe,

still, no one can replace teh oen thst is gone,
influencial plays a part in friendship...

everytime during this month, everything i went by 888
i will always remember him,
who you might say,
Hishyam... a ONCE true friend,
we are technically teh same, hahah
yeah,
things cahnge, he went it went out,
and yeah,
everythime wheni say him, there
was
never,
never,
a smile, he'll just look away..
but i wonder what goes on in his mind...
but yesh he is still my friend deep within.

i am constantlt thinking of what goes on in ppls mind,
are there just there for the sake of being there?
are they sincere...

well, i use to have another guy friend,
he was sincere,
sincerely with open hand to dry me out.
he was teh only freind that i splug alot on.
it was crazy i know,
it was a case of
desperateness...
friend or foe?

then ther is this gurl,
she was always at the background,
always silent,
has a friend with the same name [hint]
she was someone who was always there
but was i ever there for her?
i just neglect all her sincerity.
she was tehre to listen to my crap,
she was tehre wheni was down,
she was tehre most of the time, just that i never really appreciate it.
and she is still there..
friend or foe?

ppl say that this guy,
was just there for teh sake of being there,
ppl dunt like him,
but iwas there,
sincerely but got influence by every one around,
but yeah once i gotten ti straight,
i was there...
was tehre when he cried,
was tehre to listen,
was there i think,
and he was tehre to listen
to give general advice..
friend or foe?

i was close to her when iw as in sec 2,
right behind me.
i could talk non stop to her,
she made me laugh,
i was in the top ten,
same postiton as her,
was tehr to listen,
was tehre to scold me...
was a mum to me,
a younger hotter mum...
did i ever listen or apprecite??
no.
and still she si there for me.
friend of foe?

and yesh, my high school,
dreadheart,
how can i forget you,
she broke me,
cheated me,
made me cry,
make me hopeless,
but she was a good friend she was always there for me..
no matter how much i hate her
she was tehre..
she was tehre when no one is around.
she notice the difference,
even tho we dunt talk as much,
the warmth is still there...
friend or foe?

yet i'm rambling another post, yest this happens again..
hmm i thinki shoudl amke ymm blog more intresting,
mayeb with a lil striptese to have a peak that,
i'm still entertaining...
btw that was a figured speech... hahah


| caught in rapture @ 1:10 AM|

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Monday, September 18, 2006

--[Calrity & Confusion]--

100K... MY education fun after NAFA...
wondering how i'm gonna pay for it...
no student loads there...
so yeah hmm...
but yeah lets put that aside...
let me just concentrate on my O's and fashion fest...

i could feel my body shaking everytime...
tear falling my my cheeks...
the pressure is on me...
getting tired easily...

-end

i think that television programmes are damaging the midset of youth.
sex here sex there... hot sex, hot tub,

-end

outside looking in...

-end

miss u like crazy!

-end


| caught in rapture @ 11:02 PM|

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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

--[ dedicated to hurt & everlasting love ]--

Heres a lil something...
dedicated to one one which is there physically,
but not emotionally and mentally.

The Veronicas
When It All Falls Apart



I'm having the day from hell,
It was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears, i shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cuz baby
Everything is effed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cuz baby
Everything is effed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again

Everything is effed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No [x2]

Gotta pick myself up
Cuz things are mended

take note of the bold.
anyways friend, was a friend of mine once.
but i realise somthing and i've been procastinating it for so long.
i thought that you are the one and only friend that i really need in my life.
but i was wrong.
you weren't there when i was down most of the time.
you didn't notice my change, my mood swings.
all you are about is you idiotic MOFO life and how you think everything revolves around you.
you can't get everything you want.
you have to earn some of it.
basically i can't stand your superficialness.
i can't stand the way you talk to me as if i can't learn something new.
the way you said indirectly that i wasen't that smart.
the way you just forgot about things that matters to me.
having no faith in me and what i do.
the way you never try to look for me anymore; i'm invinsible.
how you react when you are with your friends and i'm there.
you are the kind which puts a barrier around yourself and projecting an image.
i've been holding on for so long and finally i'm ready to let go.
let go of you.
letting the feeling go that you are the friend that really matter to me.
cause the things that you are suppose to notice u didn't.

f.y.i. i did finish my batik ihn that one weeka nd i looks MARVELLOUS.
thanks for not believeing in me that i could make it.
and btw i did it for me not for you.

-End

in other news, i'm so sorry about wad happen just now.
and i'm so sorry that you guys are affected.
and hmm yeah all i need is time and i'm too dependant with you guys.

btw thanks for all those ppl who i didn't expect to believe in me in doing my batik and thanks for all your luck that you've given me for my prelims.
i really appreciate it.
sincerely.

aizah thanks for 'layan-ing' me till 4 am the other day.
and yeah i promise you to my favourite pie.
and huda tahnks for the advice just now. it just seems that i'm gicving you lil credit that you should actually get.
dayah just concentrate on your prelims.
fiza i wasn't angry about that 'ching ching' experimental.
lizzie sorry about just now.
liyana so sorry that i ditn know coz i was to self-concern.
ron thanks for being mentally with all your msges, really appreciate it.
btw ppl just in case u didnt know i've change my number 96732464.

lucks guys in wad ever you are doing.
i'm gonna be a great designer one day and i know.
no matter wqad you take from me u can't take away my dignity.


| caught in rapture @ 11:17 PM|

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Thursday, September 07, 2006

--[ Mess ]--

my life is so mess up at the moment.
i'm reevaluating everything in my life.
btw my fav croc hunter died.
sad.
back to me now.
i havent been talking to anyone recently.
heart to heart.
no smses.

yescom was great.
met this new gal, aizah.
yeah from cedar.
nth big, just hmm big persona. killer smile.

i'm cleanign my act, lessing my sins.
so hmm, all i can do is wait.

so insecure. hmmm...
nth i can do tho... just listening to those tracks i burn everyday.
hoping life would be better soon...

btw, aizah, nice meeting you.
and huda, hmm life a lil.
dayah, sorry for not replying.
shasha, sorry i can't go study.

[what happen to all my guy freinds???]


| caught in rapture @ 3:41 AM|

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