Wednesday, December 20, 2006

--[wish i didn't]--

i'm like searching friendster like 24/7 for my old mates...
and i just relise that how insecure i've bcome since i foudn them...

great so i found:
hassan-
seems pretty normal like hopw he use to be. much more good looking.
farihin:
same old guy nth much change:
nadia:
who is now amazingly hot.
shazlee and his lil bro:
so amazing shacok... like some kinda guy i actually tot i whould be one day...
and yeah amazing hot too...
hazim:
who is one bloddy handsome dude.

so basically, all of them are hotter, prettier, taller, sexier,
and wad so ever greater than me...
and somehoe i feel so insecure...

shouldi continue my search for
shikin?
sharil?
aljuffri?
saedah?

so should i just let go...
god know how i feel if they are not wad i expect them to me.
i'm just simply afraid...
afraid thatthey view me ouh,
hafiz, still the same old bloody kid
nothing change much about him, kinda thing...

other stories...

i'm kinda lonely nowadays...
i have loads of friends but none i could really count on...
and i guess, i put my self in this place i'm in.
maybe chasing my dreams now isn't the best thing.

looking through almost all of my fright profile in friendster ameks me sick.
i dunt have all those group photo they have.
i dunt have all those love-dovey pictures that they have.
i dunt feel the hurt and happiness that i think i should..
i always say it didnt bother me.
but it did...

maybe taking up fashion was a mistake.
i'm still having doubts in this...
who am i?
i need a break.
i dunt wanna be left alone.
i wanna be alone.
it is two different things..

maybe fashion fest was the best thing that happen in my life...
feeling so apprecited by everyone...
all those smiling face...
all thoso fucks from ppl...
just amkes me wanna work much harder..
someting to look fowards too..
after all that ends i feel so empty.

most ppl wanst to be me..
well be my guest.
u can have my life..
i wanna be an average guy..
your normal teenager..

who works in fast food,
den to some depart mental store...

not selling muusic cds atteh ade of 14
not seeling condom at the age of 15
not seeling accessories at the age of 16
and dresses and t-shirt at 17

sometime i feel that my talent is a curse to me...
i'm bloody down.
i dunt have much rest
and no one really cares

i dunt have time for my friends anymore..
i miss them dearly..
but they took my absent as a reason of me not wanting to be there...
i just need a bloody break...

i'm confuse,
i'm insecure,
i'm lost,
and all i want was to be love an appreciated...

i dunt want fame,
i dunt want fortune,
i dunt want to have a galmourous life...
i just wanna be average,
yopur average teenager next door,
nopt a suburb away.
not a blok away...

i just wanna drown myself...
cut my self till every blood is drain...
take my last breath and hold it in...

i dunt knwo wads to do anymore...
i'm breaking down...
breaking into amillion pieces...

shit! it is not all in the mind u bitch...
u just crack if u just control your every emotion and counter it...
it will just suck u dry
tyill u are deprive from evryting...

-fuck this life i'm having-


| caught in rapture @ 1:43 AM|

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