Simply Black

2007-01-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

MY NEW BLOG

MY NEW BLOG

MY NEW BLOG

MY NEW BLOG

-[it hurts]-

2006-12-23T04:01:00.000+08:00

firstly, i want u guys to read the tag that Nurul text.
22 december

btw lizzie,
that was so predicatable of you...
asking me to actually go somewhat say...
but instead u just play with teh words i'm saying...

-end

i dono wad is going on with my life now...
i didnt choose the life i get,
but i choose to choose this life i'm having...
i'm embracing it with all my heart...
i dunt mind u all leaving..

neal
beautifull
ain
hadi
lizzie

just to name a few on my top 5 chart hits!

screw me blame me...
burn me alive...
i wont stop...
i wont quit...
i'm standing where i'm standing...
i'm staying...

i know i hurt loads of ppl becoz of fashion thing..
but it is my future we are talking here...
evryone of u shit knows that i'm no smart ass...
i flung, i fail, i stretch, i fall...
i screw it all...
i make, it break i tried...
it slide...

and my fashion fest was a huge portfolio for me...
it a sub for my o levels...

look at where we are now...
i rather not have friends...
just to get things done...

everyone keep on asking for a day...
a day for lizzie..
a day for neal...
a day for hmm james...
a day for naqiah...
a day for everyone...
is not a day..
it will cost me my reputation..

things change... but ppl stay the same...
they only think they chnage becoz they are doing this differently..
truth is they get more mature, they get resposibility...

and dosent me i get wad i want i'm happy..
coz this is not wad i want..
and if i were to quit becoz i wanted friends,
i'll be the most shittiest ppl around...

to get whre i wanna be,
i gtg sacrifies some stuff... friends for example...
i gtg preseverre...
i gtg soar not fly...
i gtg make wings for me to fly...
coz you only had one life to live...
and if u screw it all but not doing wad u wanna do,
u might as well just die...

i donno wad i'm toking about...
i guess that i'm just pissed i guess...
i'm wondering how much longer i have to go through this...
i guessi chould coz certain ppl will always be there...

shahirah
zai
syam
serena
james

just to name a few,...

-[wad happen]-

2006-12-20T05:19:00.000+08:00

ok that was one mess up blog entry...
so yeah...
went to some guys and sort of pour it all pout out...
thanks hafiz for bailing on me and just sign off!

anyways, went to talk to my lil cuz...
he was trying to follow but yeah...
he did manage
talk about my past a bit here and there..
the dark side of my story...
before i become this good,
kid hehe...

went to zai...
it was amazing weird,
coz i never went to zai if i have any problems...
but yeah i guess i was desperate..
he was sollowing
and he made one very good point...

"human, never ever feel sastified with wad they have"

cheers to you on that...
i want his life he wants mine..
if there was such thing as a swap machine...
i woulod gladly do it...
but i guess there isint one..

went all over and i realise that, i do have friends...
justthat they are all too good for me...

anyways had my 2nd smoke of the year last friday...
it was inhale heaven...
and yeah hmm total smoke between friday till sunday?
7...
ok so i'm getting addicted once more...
whose to blame?? me?? i guess
so yeah, so now my dunt drink dunt smoke profile..
is just
dunt drink and commercial smoking...
aint that just gorgeous...
and honestly i'm crazing for a smoke at this bloody moment...
gonna get a pack tomorrow i guess...

my face is getting worse...
lack of sleep and that sorta thing i guess...

syam or so called roy,
suggest that i should pump up my body,
hopefully that will make me feel much more better bout myself..
reson i give:
naah to lazy,
it is notlike i';m going to the beach, or pool..
and it is not like i'm gonna get laid anytime soon...
yesh ppl still a virgin here...
i somewhat realise my life is lacking in colour,
i'm gonan change my blog skin soon...

anyways, i'm truly madly deeply in love with someone...
but i wont do anything,
coz it will just get complicated...
so deary, just hold on, and yeah let go if u want too...

an update:
number of smoke- 7
number hungs- uncountable
number of kisses- 4
mustarbation- none [im a good boy]
getting dump- once
numbre of porn watch- once [a friends video, lol]
times gettig turn on- haha lol... ok getting lame...

and i realise that iget turn on as all the wrong time..
ok too much info...

noting much to say...
i'm a lil sane now...
i guess...

btw i kinda found my use to be best friends.
a total hottie now...
i wonder wad went wrong with me...
hmmz...
and i kinda envy someone's life...

-deconstruction of egoism...
www.youtube.com/haffys <--- linkl to my fashion show... cheers
merry fuckfest and fucking new sheets! <---- a quotation by neal.

-[wish i didn't]-

2006-12-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

i'm like searching friendster like 24/7 for my old mates...
and i just relise that how insecure i've bcome since i foudn them...

great so i found:
hassan-
seems pretty normal like hopw he use to be. much more good looking.
farihin:
same old guy nth much change:
nadia:
who is now amazingly hot.
shazlee and his lil bro:
so amazing shacok... like some kinda guy i actually tot i whould be one day...
and yeah amazing hot too...
hazim:
who is one bloddy handsome dude.

so basically, all of them are hotter, prettier, taller, sexier,
and wad so ever greater than me...
and somehoe i feel so insecure...

shouldi continue my search for
shikin?
sharil?
aljuffri?
saedah?

so should i just let go...
god know how i feel if they are not wad i expect them to me.
i'm just simply afraid...
afraid thatthey view me ouh,
hafiz, still the same old bloody kid
nothing change much about him, kinda thing...

other stories...

i'm kinda lonely nowadays...
i have loads of friends but none i could really count on...
and i guess, i put my self in this place i'm in.
maybe chasing my dreams now isn't the best thing.

looking through almost all of my fright profile in friendster ameks me sick.
i dunt have all those group photo they have.
i dunt have all those love-dovey pictures that they have.
i dunt feel the hurt and happiness that i think i should..
i always say it didnt bother me.
but it did...

maybe taking up fashion was a mistake.
i'm still having doubts in this...
who am i?
i need a break.
i dunt wanna be left alone.
i wanna be alone.
it is two different things..

maybe fashion fest was the best thing that happen in my life...
feeling so apprecited by everyone...
all those smiling face...
all thoso fucks from ppl...
just amkes me wanna work much harder..
someting to look fowards too..
after all that ends i feel so empty.

most ppl wanst to be me..
well be my guest.
u can have my life..
i wanna be an average guy..
your normal teenager..

who works in fast food,
den to some depart mental store...

not selling muusic cds atteh ade of 14
not seeling condom at the age of 15
not seeling accessories at the age of 16
and dresses and t-shirt at 17

sometime i feel that my talent is a curse to me...
i'm bloody down.
i dunt have much rest
and no one really cares

i dunt have time for my friends anymore..
i miss them dearly..
but they took my absent as a reason of me not wanting to be there...
i just need a bloody break...

i'm confuse,
i'm insecure,
i'm lost,
and all i want was to be love an appreciated...

i dunt want fame,
i dunt want fortune,
i dunt want to have a galmourous life...
i just wanna be average,
yopur average teenager next door,
nopt a suburb away.
not a blok away...

i just wanna drown myself...
cut my self till every blood is drain...
take my last breath and hold it in...

i dunt knwo wads to do anymore...
i'm breaking down...
breaking into amillion pieces...

shit! it is not all in the mind u bitch...
u just crack if u just control your every emotion and counter it...
it will just suck u dry
tyill u are deprive from evryting...

-fuck this life i'm having-

-[recently]-

2006-11-15T03:33:00.000+08:00

my apologies to everyone who i didnt invite to my fashion show,
due to limited tickets...

anyways, at random...
if you love someone truly, madly, deeply,
tell it to him...
we guys are practically blind.
we dont really see the hint.

haven't had a good cry in months.

My Heart

to really understand the song,
go watch, 'Heart'

Pencinta Wanita

-end

Have been a long time since i went online.
i really got nothing much to say.
just that i'm confuse...

Sampai Menutup Mata

Sometime our destiny could be so close it's practically invincible ~~~<~@ <3

-[waiting]-

2006-11-01T20:43:00.000+08:00

yup, my birthday is tomorrow...
i just wanna see if that someone wished me...
just waiting till the clock struck 12. and 12 again...

well, i'm not gonna blog for a week i think...
busy2 man... hahha

-[never thought]-

2006-10-12T02:07:00.000+08:00

hahaha...
kinda miss those days of being attached...
ppl please pity me,
coz i'm the one who got dump...

who whould wanna dump me right?
hahah,
i'm sweet,
charming,
good looking,
dress well,
with money...
[self-pity]

btw my friend sing me this song.
by paris hilton.

nothing in this world

Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da

So I was thinking to myslef
When you passed me buy
He's what i like
And do you were with somebody else
But you can't deny
It's me in your eyes

Do you know
What it's like
When it's wrong
But it feels so right

Nothing in this world can stop us tonight
I can do what she can do so much better
Nothing in this world can turn off the light
I'm gonna make you feel alright
Tonight
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Tonight
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da

Baby you and I we got
What will never be
You know I'm right
So tell me what your waiting for when your here with me
Most guys would die
You should know (you should know)
What it's like (what it's like)
When it hurts (when it hurts)
'Cause it feels so right

Nothing in this world can stop us tonight
I can do what she can do so much better (so much better)
Nothing in this world can turn off the light
I'm gonna make you feel alright
Tonight
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da
Tonight
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da

I gotta tell you something
It's something that you just might like
No it's not the same thing
Yeah you learn I'm not too shy
You and I we can do this thing tonight

Nothing in this world can stop us tonight
I can do what she can do so much better
Nothing in this world can turn off the light
I'm gonna make you feel alright (feel alright)
Tonight
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight (tonight)
I can do what she can do so much better
Nothing in this world can turn off the light
I'm gonna make you feel alright (feel alright)
Tonight
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da

yesh indeed you can do what she did so much better,
hahaha,
so what can you do? teehehehe...
anyways, ppl give some credit to paris,
she can sing.

anyways,
that was my shortest relationship...
didi even got a chance to take a neocard...
how idiotic...
lucky never get a couple costume...
gosh...

i'm just gonna put this song in too...
3 cheers for the PLAIN WHITE T'S
coz their song really captures the event of wad guys are facing...

Take Me Away

I know we just got here
but i think it's time to go
I didn't want to believe it but now i know
you know who just walked in
and she didn't come alone
I can't stand to see this get me home

Take me away
I'm gonna hurt somebody
take me away right now
how could she say
she wanted more you better
take me away right now

I thought she was perfect
she thought I was perfect too
perfect until she found someone new
now I'm stuck here watching her
I can't take this abuse
what can this guy do
that I can't do?

Take me away
I'm gonna hurt somebody
take me away right now
how could she say
she wanted more you better
take me away right now

Take me away

and yeah just gonna put teh late entry song as well...
enjoy.

Hate (I Really Don't Like You)

Love, love, love, love, love, love.
Woo!

You were everything I wanted.
You were everything a girl could be.
Then you left me brokenhearted,
Now you don't mean a thing to me.
All I wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

[Chorus:]
Hate is a strong word,
but i really, really, really don't like you.
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you.
Brought you around,
and you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word,
but I really, really, really, really, really don't like you.

I really don't like you...

Thought that everything was perfect,
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it,
Now I think a little differently.
All i wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

[Chorus]

Now that it's over,
you can't hurt me.
Now that it's over,
you can't bring me down.

(Oh, oh...)

All i wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

[Chorus]

I really don't like you... [3x]

ok, time to move on and mend this broken heart,
u know i shoudl ahve know that something was up between
the two of you...
but yeah, being a true friend the lies pass me through..
so, luck to you both...
hopefully ya guys are happy and please
dont say ya sorry,
it just shows how pathetic you guys really are...

have fun getting her ***g****
and
have fun getting ***g****

-[family support]-

2006-10-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

to be or not top be...
that is the question...

well i wanna be one,
and if i have to pissed my dad to get wad i want,
then he just have to bear with me,
and i just have to be with him...

it is my life in the end,
dosen't mean that my dad didnt achieve his dreams i shoud too.
[i never knew wad he wanted to be]

well, muh dad asked me to quit my fashion fest thingy and concentrate on my O levels...
i dont want to...
O's is everything to almost everybody but not to me.
i know wad i'm doing.
and i dont think that i know it,
coz i know it.
get me get me?

nmv, btw Christina rhode is hot, i mean not hot, but nice... anyways yeah... she can definately pull of my calander dress. but well yeah...

Hate (I Really Don't Like You)

2006-10-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

dedicated to teh bitch who fuck my life.

shed a tear
a broken dream
the love you shown
was a hidden meaning

you make me cry
you to me pain
falling for you
was totally insane

so burn i hell
where u belong
motionlessly listening
to this song...

Hate (I Really Don't Like You)

Love, love, love, love, love, love.
Woo!

You were everything I wanted.
You were everything a girl could be.
Then you left me brokenhearted,
Now you don't mean a thing to me.
All I wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

[Chorus:]
Hate is a strong word,
but i really, really, really don't like you.
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you.
Brought you around,
and you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word,
but I really, really, really, really, really don't like you.

I really don't like you...

Thought that everything was perfect,
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it,
Now I think a little differently.
All i wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

[Chorus]

Now that it's over,
you can't hurt me.
Now that it's over,
you can't bring me down.

(Oh, oh...)

All i wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

[Chorus]

I really don't like you... [3x]

it was love as it seems,
but yeah who am i...
i made a vow to never love
but one again...
i messed it up...
a broken heart,
a broken sould,
a story inside,
should never be told...

OK ppl... life if all about moving on...
so if there's a bith or a jerk messing with ya,
break their hearts before they break yours.
and this is the song you shoudl be listening to after it all happen..

and man, thanks for stealing my gurl away...
i though you were a friends,
but it was nothignlike it.

well...
ending it with something different,
from someone least expected...
paris hilton...

'sometimes a dreamer is a loser.
sometimes reality is not whatit seems.
sometimes a loser wins.
dare to dream.' - paris hilton

I can do what you could do so much better...

-[c0nfession]-

2006-09-30T04:06:00.000+08:00

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
re-evaluating my life and all.
this isn't the life i wanted.
this isn't what i want.
i never really wanna be: a fashion designer.
i wanna be a journalist; a world renown.

so how i end up in fashion?
everyone is doing it.
and why did i do it?
b'boz i had an opputunity to go towards it.

this has been a wake up call for me.
you all always think u know wad u want.
but once u get it, it is a lil different.
so whatthe hell am i still doing fashion?
is it really my intrest?
or izzit just something that i know i could get,
izzit because i have loads of connections?
i'm confuse.

what happen to that lil boy who always wanted to be a journalist?
the one who frequently asked question?
the one who thinks that all the infomation given is not adequate?

what happen to that novel he was writing?
wad happen to all those great articles he's been keeping?
wad happen to his online forum?

all of that is gone,
i'm the kinda person who can take others emotions and make it be mine...
i can mimic an emotion of a person feelings.

fashion? it is just a phase?
would i die to get a positon in the fashion industry?
no.
coz if i'm dead, i'll have no position.
but i would wanna be a journalis cum magazine editor,

that would be different.
i love to write?
i love to play with words
i'm good at it.

designing?
i have no idea...

i've been expose to so many thing since i was little,
a blessing most of you might say
but it is a curse to me..

i can do:
t-shirt
jewellries
dresses
lingerie
boxers
pottery
mini-mag
poetry
novel
short stories
buisness
marketing
etc...

but wad do i really want?
ther is something deep within me yet to be discover,
fashion is teh surface,
journilist is just under it...
what deeper in the end is yet to be known.
it takes trial and errors to get waht you want.
and i'm re-evaluating my life again.

btw, friends arent friends forever

-[friend or foe]-

2006-09-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

have u ever heard of teh term
'keep your friends close, keep your enemy closer'
i'm having trouble here...
i keeps me thinking weather certain ppl in my life are just there,
for that reason...
i have this guy friend, we werent in good term before
but we are now... so...
friend or foe?

and then there is ary,
another guy friend of mine...
stop toking, stop sms-ing,
he was one a great deal in my life...
but ever since i stop giving him gals number,
it just stop...
freiend or foe?

and then thereis this gal, i'm sure u guys know her...
the one who didnt believe in me.
she WAS my bestfriend [another hint]
well, i was always there for her,
but was she always there for me...
nope, never,
weren't there during my competition,
weren't there during my sis got engage,
weren't there wheni was down,
she did one thign tho, make me crash to teh ground,
when i was falling already.
friend or foe?

friend or foe,
friend or foe,
friend or foe,

still, no one can replace teh oen thst is gone,
influencial plays a part in friendship...

everytime during this month, everything i went by 888
i will always remember him,
who you might say,
Hishyam... a ONCE true friend,
we are technically teh same, hahah
yeah,
things cahnge, he went it went out,
and yeah,
everythime wheni say him, there
was
never,
never,
a smile, he'll just look away..
but i wonder what goes on in his mind...
but yesh he is still my friend deep within.

i am constantlt thinking of what goes on in ppls mind,
are there just there for the sake of being there?
are they sincere...

well, i use to have another guy friend,
he was sincere,
sincerely with open hand to dry me out.
he was teh only freind that i splug alot on.
it was crazy i know,
it was a case of
desperateness...
friend or foe?

then ther is this gurl,
she was always at the background,
always silent,
has a friend with the same name [hint]
she was someone who was always there
but was i ever there for her?
i just neglect all her sincerity.
she was tehre to listen to my crap,
she was tehre wheni was down,
she was tehre most of the time, just that i never really appreciate it.
and she is still there..
friend or foe?

ppl say that this guy,
was just there for teh sake of being there,
ppl dunt like him,
but iwas there,
sincerely but got influence by every one around,
but yeah once i gotten ti straight,
i was there...
was tehre when he cried,
was tehre to listen,
was there i think,
and he was tehre to listen
to give general advice..
friend or foe?

i was close to her when iw as in sec 2,
right behind me.
i could talk non stop to her,
she made me laugh,
i was in the top ten,
same postiton as her,
was tehr to listen,
was tehre to scold me...
was a mum to me,
a younger hotter mum...
did i ever listen or apprecite??
no.
and still she si there for me.
friend of foe?

and yesh, my high school,
dreadheart,
how can i forget you,
she broke me,
cheated me,
made me cry,
make me hopeless,
but she was a good friend she was always there for me..
no matter how much i hate her
she was tehre..
she was tehre when no one is around.
she notice the difference,
even tho we dunt talk as much,
the warmth is still there...
friend or foe?

yet i'm rambling another post, yest this happens again..
hmm i thinki shoudl amke ymm blog more intresting,
mayeb with a lil striptese to have a peak that,
i'm still entertaining...
btw that was a figured speech... hahah

-[Calrity & Confusion]-

2006-09-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

100K... MY education fun after NAFA...
wondering how i'm gonna pay for it...
no student loads there...
so yeah hmm...
but yeah lets put that aside...
let me just concentrate on my O's and fashion fest...

i could feel my body shaking everytime...
tear falling my my cheeks...
the pressure is on me...
getting tired easily...

-end

i think that television programmes are damaging the midset of youth.
sex here sex there... hot sex, hot tub,

-end

outside looking in...

-end

miss u like crazy!

-end

-[ dedicated to hurt & everlasting love ]-

2006-09-12T23:17:00.000+08:00

Heres a lil something...
dedicated to one one which is there physically,
but not emotionally and mentally.

The Veronicas
When It All Falls Apart

I'm having the day from hell,
It was all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears, i shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cuz baby
Everything is effed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cuz baby
Everything is effed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again

Everything is effed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No [x2]

Gotta pick myself up
Cuz things are mended

take note of the bold.
anyways friend, was a friend of mine once.
but i realise somthing and i've been procastinating it for so long.
i thought that you are the one and only friend that i really need in my life.
but i was wrong.
you weren't there when i was down most of the time.
you didn't notice my change, my mood swings.
all you are about is you idiotic MOFO life and how you think everything revolves around you.
you can't get everything you want.
you have to earn some of it.
basically i can't stand your superficialness.
i can't stand the way you talk to me as if i can't learn something new.
the way you said indirectly that i wasen't that smart.
the way you just forgot about things that matters to me.
having no faith in me and what i do.
the way you never try to look for me anymore; i'm invinsible.
how you react when you are with your friends and i'm there.
you are the kind which puts a barrier around yourself and projecting an image.
i've been holding on for so long and finally i'm ready to let go.
let go of you.
letting the feeling go that you are the friend that really matter to me.
cause the things that you are suppose to notice u didn't.

f.y.i. i did finish my batik ihn that one weeka nd i looks MARVELLOUS.
thanks for not believeing in me that i could make it.
and btw i did it for me not for you.

-End

in other news, i'm so sorry about wad happen just now.
and i'm so sorry that you guys are affected.
and hmm yeah all i need is time and i'm too dependant with you guys.

btw thanks for all those ppl who i didn't expect to believe in me in doing my batik and thanks for all your luck that you've given me for my prelims.
i really appreciate it.
sincerely.

aizah thanks for 'layan-ing' me till 4 am the other day.
and yeah i promise you to my favourite pie.
and huda tahnks for the advice just now. it just seems that i'm gicving you lil credit that you should actually get.
dayah just concentrate on your prelims.
fiza i wasn't angry about that 'ching ching' experimental.
lizzie sorry about just now.
liyana so sorry that i ditn know coz i was to self-concern.
ron thanks for being mentally with all your msges, really appreciate it.
btw ppl just in case u didnt know i've change my number 96732464.

lucks guys in wad ever you are doing.
i'm gonna be a great designer one day and i know.
no matter wqad you take from me u can't take away my dignity.

-[ Mess ]-

2006-09-07T03:41:00.000+08:00

my life is so mess up at the moment.
i'm reevaluating everything in my life.
btw my fav croc hunter died.
sad.
back to me now.
i havent been talking to anyone recently.
heart to heart.
no smses.

yescom was great.
met this new gal, aizah.
yeah from cedar.
nth big, just hmm big persona. killer smile.

i'm cleanign my act, lessing my sins.
so hmm, all i can do is wait.

so insecure. hmmm...
nth i can do tho... just listening to those tracks i burn everyday.
hoping life would be better soon...

btw, aizah, nice meeting you.
and huda, hmm life a lil.
dayah, sorry for not replying.
shasha, sorry i can't go study.

[what happen to all my guy freinds???]

-[no point]-

2006-08-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

there is no point in writing anymore,
no one reads it anymore...

"you make me went up the stairs
when i reach the top your not there
standing all alone at the end
in the end"

-[ Friends ]-

2006-08-12T02:40:00.000+08:00

Friends what does it mean?

Dictionary meaning of it:

1 ] persoon one likes and chooses to spent time with (non-sexual or family bonds)
2 ] sympathizer, helper
3 ] ally or neutral person (friend or foe?)

What does friendship means?

Dictionary meaning of it:

1 ] friendly realationship or feeling

So what is it really?
all i know that the one who creates this meaning dosen't have a clue on what lifes is about. What does friends and friendship really means to you?

here goes.

Friend/s is a noun.
There are the constant ppl you hang out with,it developes into a freindship.
Given a scene, of weather you choose loyalty or love, well, facts it, normal ppl whould choose love (i've done a survey on 20 ppls, 80% said love)

basically this things call "friends" can choose to come into our lifes and leaves whenever they want too. It os all up to us weather we would choose to mourn over it or just face the reality.

From experience, they should be able to be given that choice. They are teh one that build you as an individual. Everytime you spent with a certain someone a pieces of then stay with you. It's adictive, it's natural. There is no doubt about it.

But how much do you really treasure the bond?
Would you die for a friend?

If you were to asked me now, that very question, i'll say no. cause at this point of time in my life, i still haven't found someone with dying for even tho i have really special freinds in my life. BUT if it was for live. my answer whould be yes, cause love makes you wanna do crazy thing.

Yes, maybe i won't die for a friend, maybe it depends on the situation. Maybe i would it it is for the best for humanity.

All of this question is about you toward your freinds.
Have you ever thought what your friend might think of you?

well, i don't. I have thsi really good friend, he's good to me at least. ppl don't really like him very much. some friends say he don't like me. who knows if thsi friendship (that is wad i call it) is base on a lie. Maybe my friend who told me about my good friend of wad he say about me behind my back is just too bump cause my good friend has his gal.

being the so not popular kid, non clever, non atheletic, non good looking, i know finding friends are though well, hmm we humans are supercial, we pick freind by looks and those who are rteh same status as us. Thats fact. WHo what does it really means?

friends arethe one that shapes our lie, the one that helps us grow. it dosent really matter if they are still with us or non, weather we are still freind or foes... every part of tehn stick with us, a pieces of them will always be with us.

So if your friend, or a really good freind choose to leave, let them leave cause, they need to spread the joy and happiness one shared with you to another person who really eed it more, teach it and nature it.

Freinds are gods gives to us humans. They help us through. Even tho some aren't really good freinds or justthey for a hie and bye, thay are still a aprt of you and will always have a pieces of them inside of you.

so let me leaves you with a thought, and i'll appreciate it if i get some reply.

if you were to define freinds, friendship and what are teh qualities a friend should have, what will it be?

Email it to me at this address, morbid_theory@msn.com, or you can just tag my board.

i'm gooona trackback on this topic in a week.

p/s: upcomming post will still stressing on the issue of freinds.

-[what's on my mind]-

2006-08-07T18:59:00.000+08:00

who am i nowadays?
are you guys making me choose between my fashion fest
and my friends?
gosh... fuck that...

why is everyone giving me this shitty treatment?
what wrong have i done?
ouh yeah,
everything i do is a mistake!

SO WHAT IF I"M FICKLED MINDED!
its not like you know what you want in life!

for once in my life,
i tryied to do the right things by chasing my dreams
and keeping quiet.

if you guys think that i'm only with you guys cause
i dont have any other friend then you're wrong.
to hell with that.
i dont really care anymore.

AND HAFIZA FOR THE FINAL TIME YOUR ART IS FARKING UGLY!
everyone is trying to help you but itseems that you
dont wanna be help!

gosh!
and ppl i'm not your delivery man!
it's getting out of hand,
me buying food for you.

anyways none of you ppl tells me anyting anymore.
i'm so less appreciated now...
so yeah, it dosen't matter to me anymore,
i'm just sopissed of at all the things that happen today.
sleeping over it dosent work
so i have to drugged it now.

-[hmmm...]-

2006-08-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

"If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could see what I want to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It won't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind
If it ain't comin' out we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah..."

dedicated to a friend.

anyways, hmm i going to SKINS! theater production.
Got free ticket, who wouldn't wanna go.

i saw that guy,
Hilmy's his name.
hmm, nth change much.
stilll the same ignorance treatment given.
he's not to blame,
if i could turn back time i wish that
i would have nevr made him.
life made easier.

anyways, hmm went ot desaru the other day,
only take 2 pics with dayah,
afraid of her mum and dad.
scary.
and sorry ya'll dayah's sib for not talking.
it was fun i guess.

me and dayah dont really talk much.

i took really nice photo's there.. hmm yeah,
but i dont really feel like showing.
i'm gathering pictures foir my gallery that is going to be in 3 years time,
hopefully.

have so much plan in life.
i wonder if any of it will come through.
let give that all to god to handle.

yesh, i still remember god for all u sick ppl info.
so many sins done and still keep on coming, piling up,
hmm finding a way to stop a certain sin but i guess i can't.
it feels good in a way.
well time wil tell.

hey hm yeah to all u sick ppl that say thati'm a loser and wont suceed in life,
to hell with yall.

and yeah for thet specail HIM!
wad i've thoght of you was right, u like any other guy
heartless
emotions less
moneyless..
btw i want my pants back, and my sweatshirt and hmm ny sling...

i'll be waiting..

and yeah it ends here...

-[thotz...]-

2006-07-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

went out on friday, it was great,
having an awesome time even though we didn't do much.
i will not elaborate on what happen.

life been really stressful atthis very moment.
i realise that i'm a failure.
i'm gonna fail my physic test tomorrow.
then i'm gonna fail my math.
then i'm gonna fail my o's.

before thsi all,
i already fail as the head designer which
actually honestly, really meant a lot to me.
but as usually, i won't have everything that i want.

even tho all you farking ppl say i have everything,
FYI i dont!

i'm so ttly lost nowadays,
i blew up easily,
i'm a walking bomb.

i called my goodfriend sisters a,
psychotic bitch.

i'm faking a smile again,
well, my life is in a real mass now.

at this very moment all i really want to do is to,
jump into the ocean and just drown myself as much as i can.
well, maybe the pool will be fine.
just jump in and stay beneath screaming,
shouting,
cursing and
hoping some miracle happen when i submerge.
can it happen???

life is so complicated,
just as when u think u got the hang of it,
u realise u dont.

-[does it all matters in the end?]-

2006-07-24T23:03:00.000+08:00

i always wanted to be someone famous.
i will get what i want,
by all means nessary.

i wanna be a designer,
create the magneficent clothing,
sparkling jewellries,
awesome t-shirts,
and fitted shoes.

i've done all that,
once upon a time,
i had a one day stall selling jewellries,
making big money.
i was once a t-shirt printing expert,
earning $15 to $20 bux per design,
5 to 8 t-shirts per month.
through my fairytale,
i deside to make myself a shoe,
it wasn't perfect but it was fine.

now still in my story,
where it was once a dream
but it is coming true,
being a designer for youth fashion fest,
it was a dream come true.

but all good things
come with a bad news.

having to take my o's this year,
the same year as having my dream coming true.
was it all worth it'?
can i realy juggle it all?

i know i have to make a choice,
and i already did.
i'm satying with my dream
my passion
my desire.

and even tho i might fail my o's
i'm taking a huge risk.

still confuse
on what i should really do.
does it al really matter in the end???

p/s: check out this site

-[the colours of the rainbows]-

2006-07-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

it is so clear to me now,
the colours of the rainbows ain't 7 magnificient colours in my life.
it all dull. grey. black.

the sun have finally set,
the night without the stars,
not a single moonlight.

i'm clearly breaking down
i'm falling apart
after keeping it kewl for months
i finally breakdown
i could just shead a tear scream or shout
anytime of day

1st
it all have to do with friends
all of a sudden i'm getting along with everyone!
peole who i trusted keeps things away from me,
while people who i despise are my friends

i wonder who am i nowadays,
i wonder who they are?
i wondering wad i suppose to do with my life...
i doubting every single second

2nd
yeah, the four farking letters
it is just so confusing
finally my songs make sense to me
i'm so confuse

i have no idea what i'm doing,
shasha was right,
i am shallow in a way
i have no idea

3rd
my fashion thing
it is so obvious that i'm falling apart
i feel like quiting every second of the day
buti have to keep it strong
i'm the only guy in the group
i'm the only person that motivates others

i'm in charge
ranjeet expects terrific work from me

i can't keep on motivating u guy
i need some motivation too
we are a team,
but i feel like i'm just a guy who help
but never got helped

lastly
all i've wanted i found somewhere else
do you really know me at all?
won't u take time off
to catch me when i fall?

i don't know what is happening to me
am i everything to you?

are ever gonna be
that real to me?

i won't want to repeat history.

sweet words are easy to find,
seeing you once again was dreadful
washing me in with
all the emotions
which was suppose to
be wash and gone.

what si you point in coming back after all this farking years?

and so this is my answer i say tonight,
this isn't anger
or a hope for a second chance
i just want you to step out of my door
and leave
never turing back

cause if we really meant to be,
we are ment to be

where i go?
i miss me so
sometimes its been forever
since i've been gone
where i go?
i miss me so
sometimes its been forever
since i've been gone
i wanna come back home

-end-

i'm running my own show,
it's all about me
in the end everything does matters
cause if it dosen't
i would prolly end my life now

-[love should be illicit]-

2006-07-15T20:49:00.000+08:00

the heading says it all.

gosh how could this happen.
it's a high school drama. keeps on going.

a few more months.

-end-

the date is getting closer,
i'm felling the pressure.
i'm so left behind.

-end-

in fashion one day you're in.
the next you're out.

same goes for life.

yo are hot one moment and
just a plain odinary guy the next.

things change when you don't expect them too.

i could break it cause i made it.
i need this one. i badly do.
i'm gonna make it
through the end this time
i'm making it through.

i won't stop to shed a tear.
but i would think throught the year.
what i'll be doing and
where i will be
panning everying step
not regreting history

-end-

i use to lead a life on my own.
but everything just change,
i'm in the big picture now,
even though i really like my self portrait.

well, meeting new peeps everyday,
and allof them are in the east.
tough luck but i dun't mind.
no matter how much i moved,
jiwa tetap pat eastside!

-end-

yo dayah! nice seeing you again after a long long break!
so this saturday aight...
btw your huge crush will be there.
hahah he'll be entertaining you
if i am entertaining everyone else.

have fun, and tell your bro,
i'll hmm interact a lil more. hahaha

CheeRs all!

can't wait for 5th august!
btw, wanna like go study together or something?

-[things]-

2006-07-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

i was actually going to show you my daily horoscope but,
i lost it somewhere.

so anyways,
i was like thinking of some stuff and,
yes i was in a wrong direction all the time.

i wasen't suppose to be looking for someone like that,
but i did. i shouldn't.

- end

anyways, i saw someone the other day with that someone mom and dad,
tsk tsk tsk,
i ran away.
totally unexpected.
hmm let just pray that i'll meet that person again.

- end

i had my photoshoot today.
it was awesome.
in publice smile and posing like an idiot.
haha it was fun.

went through a meeting and,
finalise: we get to decide who our models would be.

- end

-[No Kidding]-

2006-07-03T20:23:00.000+08:00

Well, i saw that idiot when i was in town, but i just keep quiet, dunt wanna tell anyone.
i'm sure she saw me too, but who really cares...
she's totally different now... well, prettier then ever
but with all the wrong reasons.
kecian mak bapak kau...

anyways, went to this flee market thingy.
SO NOT MY CUP OF TEA.
the only reason i go is bcoz so that the others wont say nothing,
yelah same goes here and there... i'm too well off,
rich kid,
spoil brat,
i didnt get anything there except for this sign plate thingy.

well was there for like i donno hours and hours, i didnt have much fun lah...
but it was ok, new experience, hopefully i could lead
a simple peeasent life...

blah blah blah saw eddy with his new gal.
hate his hair.
blah blah blah, hmm saw no one...

well, finally met huda. it was hmm well, a movie in the early 16th century...
a silent one... hardly any talking...
gosh, me silent?? impossible!!
haha
sad but true, haha i was silent...

oh yeah i saw my pri skool friend or i tot he;'s my pri skool friend...
totally unsure...

anyways, can't wait for the next outing... hmmm...
and i still want my PIE!!!

-[ if only they understand ]-

2006-06-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

i wish i could shout, scream, make a scene out of it.
what is the point they wont understand.
they would just freak out.

secondary life is totally sucky,
you are such an outcast if you are a lil bit different.
whatthe heck? whats the point of trying?

stop asking me to try since, eveyone give up on me.
i'm a sinner, i'm insane.
i'm never gonna be normal.

i have my way , i have my needs,
i have a plan for me.
i know what i'm doing.

even tho it is basically wrong,
or weird, thats me
accept it.

counting the days.

~*~*~*~

saw someone today, wow, never thought i'll ever see that idiot again.

wonder how that idiot is feeling.

wonder if the thing is hers.

wopnder if that the idiot, salve.

-[ too late, it just too late ]-

2006-06-24T19:02:00.000+08:00

i haven been online for days now,
logmin to friendster, saw a friend request, 'lil ron',
watever, who does our etchnic ppl always disguise themselve to be someone else?
why can't they just accept who they are?

thats not the main thing,
i got a handful of testimonials,
and yeah, one of them really caught my eyes,

i quote
"heY theR!!iTs been a L0ng time sincE we hang 0ut..hmm..acTuaLi haFiz iS a GUd fWen..S0metimEs hE maY b ruDe..bUt hEy n0 0ne is perfect..he is fuNi wiT s0me 0f his lame j0kes..

he is als0 a gud designer..reaLi..seen his drawin..can saY he is a perfectioniST..

eRmm..hangIn 0ut wit him is fUn when theR is n0 0theR Bitches wh0 is ar0und..cuz i n0e him..he n0es me..anD s0metimes pEEpz t0ut tat we R a c0uple..haha..he's swEEt..stiLL remember Tat he made a supRise bdae parTy fer me..anD spend mY bdae wiT me whEn tings doesNt g0 as planned..

s0metimes i w0nder why ther's s0o manY baRRiers iN 0ur friendshiP..bUt n0 matter wat i sTiLL Like him tHe waY he is..i reaLise tat i Sh0uld't b0ther b0ut th0se little things tat aFFect 0ur friendship...0f cuz theR's high n l0w in Life..aNd we've been thRu tat..

HaHa..we wiLL stiLL b fwen cuZ 0nly death d0 us PART!!

peACE,

f0rget mE n0t('',)"

Well, maybe those of you would know who is this from,

to that person here is your answers.

well, our friendship is build on one on one communications, meaning
thig would be ok and turn out great.

you wonder why there is so many barriers? truth is,
i'm a man of many secrets, and sometimes in order for me to keep it save,
i have to lie.
these are secrest of which can't be told to anyone, and,
i can hardly remember anything i've said, cause, '
who ever remember wad they said,
last week or months before or even just a while ago.
things i remember are the moments,

like the time we get u the watch,
like the time, we talk at the void opposite of 888
the time when we ate Bk at ur house
the times when u laugh
the teacher,
perfume contest,

these are things that i remembers,
u know, me and you, we are totally different,
i'm opposite of you, and after a long gone
without you, mirically,
i've move on.

things that u said, that night,
are the moments, freshly in my head,
and if u wantthe date, i have it,

i could bring on a come back by telling u all ur flaws,
but, what does it worth? it's all about tolorence.
i was silent for so long cause,
i have so much thhings to said,
i just can't said it.

and yesh, i hope that idiot is finally happy cause he finally got u to himself.

this was a turning point of my life,i was waiting for a reassurance,
but i never did get it.

it amaze me how fast u move on,
crushed- seeing u going to school with some other guy
fact is, i got sick and tired of waiting for u all day,
but i just keep quiet, those are the lil things
that u should tolarate.

i thought when i read that testi, i could find tghe warmth and comfort that i use to feel,
but nope, i didn't feel anything - numbness

well, those words u said,
i quote
"we can still be friends, but not as close"
i live it up.

we are still friends but no longer the same,
'till death do us part'

~*~*~*~

and to huda, just lay it low for a moment aight, dunt think of anything neagative,

i'm just going through a rough patch,

trying to figure out everything,

and anything that have gotten me in a mess.

-[ just emotions ]-

2006-06-16T01:22:00.000+08:00

i was browsing the web, when i saw one of my pieces.

Friends Forever.

it was a lie.

den i saw a smile. 2 names. mine wasen't in it.

it was devastating.

even tho i hate to admit. I miss them, LOADS!

if i could have one wish, i wish i wouldn't have met them all. My heart won't be broken by the greatest ppl in the world.

was it my fault it all happen? or was it becasue of shitty ppls mouth?

was it beacause of pride? jealousy? envy?

Everyone wants something that they can't have. Something that they want the otheres treasure.
FRIENDSHIP!

was i just a mistake to make her realise the truth?

was i justg a lab rat for them to play with?

words hurt? Ommision is betrayal.

~*~*~*~

am i cheating on her?

I'm not even attach.

this bog no longer hold everything that i want to say.

my though, feeling, guilt... it aint easy anymore.

i'm in between. i have a choice to make.

i'm in love with her.

others are hinting. waiting. looking from afar.

i donno what i want to do.

love should be illicit.

~*~*~*~

A different concept of approach.
everthing has change.

everthing mean nothing.
if i'm not myself

a wise girl once said.

Love started with a kiss and ends with a tear.

well yeah,

i'm waiting for sometime, but it never did came.

still waiting, time is ticking.
still waiting,
nothing came.

places to go, people to meet. I'll survive,
even if i don't got u.

no point in grieving, no point in missing
ppl who dunt even care,
when you are standing thre. right in front of them.
shadowed Blend. Unknown. UnNotice. CEase To ExiST.

-[ Moments ]-

2006-06-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

moments are just moments. it wont last forever.

my minds going nuts
thinking of something, but i dont know wad.

i'm torn in pieces.
fragile.
useless.
week
uncertain.
question unanswered.

if only i could get every lil pieces of my confusion together.
puzzled solved.

i dunt have to spent my days pondering about everything anymore.

like i say those are just moments.
pictures stored in ur mind, playing back over and over again.
an old movie. A vintage.

soon, things got crappy and u wonder why thig turn out that way.
birth of confusion.
a moment will never last.
it can only be remembered.
it will lead to confusion.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

someone made me realise how badly dress i am.

not pretty sure.

now, i'm like some wannabe.

attracting attention.

trying to gain some recognition.

wanna get notice.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I miss that someone, badly. Btw, not u are, the one missing for 2 weeks.

well, maybe certain people aren't meant to be friends.

maybe that is just how life is.

u can only plan it, but it is all up to god to make the choice.

i never really thought of it that much.

i wanna stay a kid.

i miss that person too much.

but look on the bright side, wait, there's not bright side.

well, now the person that i miss alot, the one missing for two weeks.

wonder where u are?

look at the moon.

look at the stars.

we are under the same night sky.

kinky but cute hahaha.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

here's a lil something.

there's something wrong and i can sense it

but u cant blame me entirely
something a mist

and i know u dont care

coz like any other problem

u would always runaway

why did u even give me that sweet smile

why did u even laugh it off

why did u even say u care

when most of the time ya never there

why are you wasting your time

when u can have it all

why did you even do all that

all the time wasted

a preview of my piece.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

btw, liz... my u know wad, is stuck. i'm on my 2nd hehehe.... and i can't let u see...

wow that sounds weird... but u know wad i'm talking about right??

hope so...

-[ the story seas have calm down ]-

2006-05-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

living with a guilt aint' easy.
today was an emotional day for me. finally knowing that i dunt have to think anymore. everything is known.

today. is the day where i finally chatted with him. tho we never talk for years, it just brings comfort knowing that everthing is alright. i'm being forgiven and all.

he was right, ppl like us aren't meant to be friends, it will just bring explortion everywhere.

just knowing that the stormy seas have finally calm, one problem gone.

it's weird, the felling i mean. all warmth and cozy inside of me, like finally the burdena nd the guilt that i have been carrying with me all this while is finally gone. everything was finally ok.

anyways he can't see us being friends but well mabye i do, if only i can put my jealousy out and andhe put his thingy out we could be friends, we could be normal.

like he said, nothing is weird.

other than that, life goes on, u meet ppl u trust ppl, ppl bitch behind ur back and all... that life, live it, risk it, take a step out of the door, take another step and explore.

today i finaly feel better. tho the guilt will remains and slowly fades away i wont forget today.

and to my sgy, dont work to hard. enjoy life while u still can.

i learn new things everyday, and there are still many question unanswered...

anyways good luck for you Ancient Civaliazation Thingy. god bless.

-[ becoming a dad ]-

2006-05-15T00:35:00.000+08:00

shit, she's 4 months pregnant, wow... kewl... wonder when did i do it with her... the smart things is, her boss knew it was me... how amazing is that?

well hm wanna sked her to go doc for a scan to determine the gender but she wants it to be a suprice...

so yeah hmmm... other than that i'm perfectly fine...

-[ i got it all... ]-

2006-05-12T01:25:00.000+08:00

come to think of it, i got it all even tho i dont have you...

i have my childhood friend, Feez, Dino, Ana, and the gals...
i have my smart friends, Azyy, Rin...
i have my cousin, Keem, Nakiah...
i have my outside friends, Ary, Dian, Adek
i have, Mizah, Cin, Fateen...
most of al i have Huda, and DUDE...

my world didn't came crumbling down the second time u left, it is standing taller than ever...

lol... actually i have noth to wrote today...
all i know is that i made someone smile today...
and that makes me happy...
a smile goes a long way...

-[ tidak pernah terlintas ]-

2006-05-09T20:11:00.000+08:00

semakin hari semakin bingung aku dibuatnye. siapakah aku? soalan yang sering terlintas difikiranku. apakah sebabnya ku wujud dalam dunia ini. siapakah mereka? setiap muka yang terlintas di hadapan ku?

entahlah mengapa, semakin hari, dunia ini semakin berkegelapan, sebuah mimpi negri yang tidak dapat dibangkit. aku hanya mampu bersabar. menerima semuanya. mungkin setiap kejadian ada sebabnya.

mungkin ia susah untuk menerima dengan rela hati, tetapi tetap aku cuba memahami. setiap kemurungan yang ku menagalami tentu adalah cabaran yang diberi tuhan. susah benar untuk aku menukar cara jalan hidup ku, susah sungguh untuk aku kembali ke pangkal jalan. lebih susah lagi hidup keseorangan; tada yang memahami ku. tuhan hanya lah tahu perasaan yang ku menhidapi.

sekolah semkain membosankan. adakah kerana kekurangan kawan? aku harus bersemangat untuk mencapai cita2ku. aku harus bersabar, menerima setip penghinaan and cacian yang dilemparkan. aku hanya mampu merangcan hidup ini tetapi tuhan menentukan nya.

entahlah mengapa, aku semakin gemar dengan berbahasa. mungkin peperisaan 'O' bahasa akan tiba dan mungkin aku akhirnya memahami asal usul ku. aku seorang anak melayu; belajar keluar negara untuk ke Aus sudah ku pangkakan. kerana aku tahu aku akan hanyut dengan pengaruhan barat.

semakin hari semkain lemah ku menjadi, semakin kekurangan sesuatu. kekurangan seorang kawan, seorang rakan., seorang sahabat.

setiap kali mata ku memejam , aku cuba mengingatkan diriku keindahan dunia. keindahan kehidupan. and harus sering bersabar.

-[ what ppl think of me ]-

2006-05-09T19:03:00.000+08:00

Eliz:
handsome and mature...
Nad:
fun, reliable and sum times quite irritating... hahaha it's fun to hav a frend like u, just that somtimes you are too irritating...
Zai:
friendly,handsome, ermm...
Mai:
i tink ure interesting, fun to chat wif, creative, artistic, noe hw to use tat sewing machine, and lyk arts alot

hmmm... life sux u know... it just plain sux... been long since i kast chat to huda... where you go? i miss u so, sometimes its been forever... hahah LAME!!!

i'm so farking tired... life ttly sux... friends aren't friends forever... never say forever if u don't meant it...

now is the time for me to be a real egoistic bastard, to be a jerk and most of all a pain in the ass...

-[ anak warisan melayu ]-

2006-05-08T14:01:00.000+08:00

setiap kali mata ku bewrkelipan. aku cuba bayangkan masa depanku... siapakah aku, dimana kah akan aku berada pada masa yang akan datang. cita-citaku ialah untuk menjadi seorang pereka fasyen tetapi adakah iitu yang aku akan menjadi? ku berfikir pada jangka yang panjang dan akhirnye jawapan yang di pamerkan di kaca televisyen.

aku mahu menjadi orang biasa, aku mahu ke kolej, aku mahu mengambil undang-undang atau pon architecture. walaupun sukar untuk ku mencapaikinya, aku akan cuba degang sedaya upaya. tidak semestinya aku menambil art, aku harus berjaya dalam bidang itu. Dude telah membuat aku memahami ini semua. naluriku berkata bahawa bidang art bukan lah untuk ku, aku tidak sejinak rakan2 yang lain yang menambil dalam bidang itu.

aku sebagai anak wasisan melayu tidak harus lupa diri, tidah harus melupakan diriku ini. sebagai seorang insan, aku hanya mampu berfikir, menciba, untuk sampai ke arah yang aku mahui.

kini sudah hampir dua bulan aku berfikir, dua bulan nya hampir tamat. aku masih berfikir. manalah tahu, fikiranku kan bertukar lagi? manusia hanya mampu merancang tetapi tuhan menentukan nya....

-[ the day that i say u cry ]-

2006-05-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

well wad i'm writing now has got nothing to do with the heading... hahaa

there's a party next week i and i'm not invited.... :'( well i dont care actually but they least she could do is invite me...haha i can't go anyways since her bf is my worst enemy hahaha... welll actually i'm not sure about this...

went to lunch with aslam, wawan, azri and leen just now... super fun i think... it was fullof lameness all around... and hmm yeah i got another invitation on sitting with the guys during recess... well haha i dont want too, coz there is too many guys...a dn when guys are with guys they talk about crappy things... haha well ture... a

anyways Dude say i dont have to do anything if i dont want toa nd i dunt need to give them a reason... btw dude is really fuck up about me not studying... well dude i can't study... unless if dude really put his effort to make me... match tomorrow theres only 5 topics and iacn't no any... like wtf... aiming to get at least a 2 digit number for my math... geogs tomorrow... and i ahve no idea wad to study since our teacher with those many2 beautifuk shoes didnt really teach by the text...

anyways, thinking of buying a new phione... dad say it is ok..
hmm been long since i had a quarrel with him... well hmm ahve to get his birthday present tomorrow... haha and some wrapping paper... for my cousin presentthat i have to wrap...

btw dude... trynot to saty awake today coz i reallyneed to sleep...

so anyways... hmmm ihave no idea wad else to say hahaha...
btw thanks lizzei for giving me some encouragement to study... but too bad, i'm just to lazy to work my brain cells...

- [ stuff ] -

2006-05-03T20:58:00.000+08:00

confession, i'm in love with dude!!! he's so hot!!! hahaah well i;m in love with his drop dead gorgeous killer smile... with those dimples!!! a

anyways dude promise to teach me to find my own killer smile... hahaha smiling lesson ever heard of that??

dude farking mean. he dosent wanna go out with me today... fuck dude! anyways he wanted me to study for my exam... hahah well cool dude. dude is a good freind, i think otherwise... and dude stop screwing me at your blog... hahah u are making me go crazy...

enough of dude... no body wants to hear much of u anyways hahaha... chill...

gonnameet dino later next week for a movie... gonna drag feez along.. together with come chicks.. hah alol... chicks: naz, diana, and blah blah blah not sureif they wanna go hahaha... well hopefully dino never bring his mates along.. they are kinda annoying but fun.. actaullyi never met them before... haha

anyways goona study for my exam soon... since dude wanted me to pass... kinda funny, dude is like leading mylife and i'm just obeying all his commands... eh dude...

hmmm... btw my wall came crumbling down, and i manage to escape... picking myself up off the ground alone... well dude help a lil, he help, by laughing... dude, u sux u know that... hahaha... seriously... u should stop bitching...

well ppl thats all hahaha actually this post is basically to annoy dude... btw dude, u are a good mate... haha u are always tehre when i got no one... hahaha... cheers mate!

-[ sumthing new, trying to change a few ]-

2006-05-01T22:14:00.000+08:00

got a new friend, mona. met her at irc... kinda kewl. wait, before YOU jump to any conclusion, she's 21 and hmm yeah... she's very sisterly, well not really. i'm a good entertainer hahah... so everything was great.

anyways... my mate frinds wanna like know me better... and i as like... sure... coz yeah she's my mate frind... dunt wanna make him look bad...

anywyas, i was thinking of buying that perl pendant including chain... i saw... but i'm not sure about it, coz i'm not sure she'll wear it and i'm not sure weather it can be seen if she wear it... hahaha.

i miss mai man... haha but she's back from thailand!! hahahah... welcome back dude!

wanna go arab street sometime this week... wanna get come cloth for my "beep" hahah... hope it works... hahaha...

-[ dude... where's my... ]-

2006-04-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

went to my eldest uncle daughter engagement...
it has been, 10 years or even more since i last saw them. the atmosphere at their house was weird. been a long time since i step into that place. you are suppose to feel joy and comfort. all that was in me was anger and frustration. one of my uncle daughter didn't even greet my mom and dad or my uncle and aunties... and, the smile on their face seems like nothing ever happen.
so yeah hmm... other that tha i'm ok...

just chilling away and keeping it cool and getting wasted half my time... dude... mid exam is on... but i'm not evne on the study track... i'm totally wasted,

dude!!! [well u know who you are] i finally understood that thing that you told me. i quote "it's ok to be afraid" thanks dude!

***

had a long chat with huda yesterday... well was fun, didnt really chat but yeah it was fun... hmm... yeah... been almost 2 freaking years... but huda, like my friend said, 'it's ok to be afraid' and yeah i'm scared... i'm terrified... and it's getting hot in here...

don't put me off, cause i'm on fire,

i can't quench my desire

don't u know i'm buring up for your love

you're not convinced that that is not enough...

-[ declaration of independence ]-

2006-04-30T00:54:00.000+08:00

april 25th, 2006. the day that i declare my state of indepence.

i open up my eyes and see the world from a different point of view.
things happen for a reason in this world.
what goes around comes around.
it dosen't matter how u get there as long as you are there.
if your friend wanna leave don't make them stay.
you don't have to be notice all the time...

as much as i tried to understand life, i can never be explain. there is a point in life where you just wanna quit, drop dead and die. leaving this world, a so called happy place.

messing things up is part of the deal, he screams she shouts. words just fade. nothing ever stays the same. so move on, get a map, find a map, follow the map, get to a new place... move on.

ppl for the farking last time, am know i'm a bad person who keep on messing this up. you are just the lucky few to see my flaw.

i'm in a super confuse state and i dunt need anyone to make it worst. all i need now is some time on my own to think, reflect and find ways that i could kill myself that dosen't hurt. just kidding.

i don't have to hide no more. i know loads of ppl hate me. well i hate you guys too. but i dont go around bitching all the way. well maybe i'll bitch at times only if u really pissed me off.

even angels fall. even angels fall. even angels fall...

all i had to do now is going about my life the way i wanted to live.
you only leave once, so lived it risked it, like there's no tomorrow...

-[ thotz... etc etc ]-

2006-04-27T19:43:00.000+08:00

i just learn sumthing new,
i need to keep muh mouth shut more often.

anyways, i got a beautiful pendant at Tian Po...
and i'm planning to get a special someone sumthing at GoldHearts...
and i'm planning to isolate myself in school now...
and...

If my friends wanna leave, I won't make them stay...

gotta start making new friends, gotta see the world... but how do you actually meet new friends?? any suggestion??

seriously, the pendant was nice... really nice... anyways going shopping tomorrow with muh dad's cards... gonna go town, get a suit... either custom made, or get the one at giordano or the one at Raff... get off to get myself a leather pants, a brown one and hmm a new blazer...

dad was toking about YESCOM, an orgi that wants to promote mly entre. hmm i donno what to sell this time round... and i got my fashion thing comming up, have another set of audi to go to tomorrow... den off to study for my mid year which start tomorrow...

ART! hmm, arty-farty... hmm gonna make my prep work on saturday, doing on a studio thkning, behind the scene of a fashion show... hope i at least pass it...

and hmm yeah planning to fail my maths and science already since i can't pass...

hmm... my mate is going to audi for this mly rock concert thingy... this 14 may i think... and if they made it through they are gonna play at esplanade waterfront and hmm some concert thingy...

hmm, anyways... dude, stop matching me up with gurls man... i'm not intrested at the moment... i'm teh one who's single and ya doing all the work... but yeah... hahaha... i willonly go out on a stupid date if you guy provide me with the income...

and yeah i didnt go skool just now so went to causeway point with my mon and dad, den i say an old friend with a very big belly... hmm yeah... pity her...

i haven been eating with shasha this week... feel akward after wad happen... and hmm yeah... i'm having much fun with ____ during recess, altho he is just pretending to be my friend since no one really cares about him... but overall he's a good mate...

hmm... MAI's is in BANGKOK NOW! i didnt asked why... but she is getting me a weird pants if she ever find one... hahaha...

btw... hmmm yeah... my mates said i'm weird, well i know that i'm weird but hmm it just sound so weird when he calls me weird when he knows i'm weird at the first place... but yeah i think i'm weird in the sense of wad he tells me the other day... hmm i'm weirder than weird... but hmm yeah i know i'm weird...

anyways i gtg now... got soime farking mid exam to do tomorrow... wish me lucks!!!

-[ me in the middle ]-

2006-04-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

got into a confrontation just now... and from the moment it started, i feel so bad...
technically, i know my sarcastic words is a pain in the arse... everone has a story... just that, i unt really wanna share... i have and always been the cause of every problem that has been happening all this years...

i just a bad ass boy trying to be good... i was born to be a natural bad ass... i was once when i was in pri school... but... being influence by ppl, i tried to change... i did, but never for long...

i dont care if the worlds hates me or anything... i dont care... i could just pack my bag and leave anytime i wanted too...

it is one of those moment that i wish i could just drop dead and die...

silence is all that i have to give...

"smiling everyday with a broken heart
nobody knows
my story not told

smiling everyday with a broken smile
nobody really knows

i'm struggling inside..."

about the farking fashion thing... i just to caught up with it...
wonder wad is wrong with me... am i like having another mental breakdown?
i'm not even sure if i can do muh maths test tomorrow...
i'm not sure of anything now...

i can't pretend things never happen... i can pretend that everything is alright...
my life has never been sunshine and rainbows...

i'm just thinking to much... wads is wrong with me...
i am a heartless bastard ppl say i am?
i'm just a mean machine... with no emotions...

and for the last time!!! I DONT GOT EVERYTHING I WANTED!!!
that is just one thing i cant accept... when ppl tell me that i got everting...

leave... lost...

-[ it's true what they say ]-

2006-04-13T00:36:00.000+08:00

when ya not looking for love, love smack you in the face...

INFACTUATION!

went to school today [wednesday]... with some juniors... and they were like... telling me that this eura gal likes me... and i wasen't even intrested...

so yeah they said that she wanted to go to school with me today [thursday] OMG! no way... totally freaky... there are guys out there chasing her... but still, in invisible dude got found... sheesh... so yeah i don't know wad's gonna happen today when i go to school in a few hours time... well have ta dress mah best... maybe i should flirt a lil with some mates in front of her to make her feels jealous... wahahaha... mean guy...

i had a dream that i was going to premier my launch of my labels but when i was there, no one was there... freaky... ppl, i learn to sew and i sew perfectly... hahaha... made a dress for a portfolio thingy and gonna go to my 2nd interview soon... it was awesome...

other than that, i really enjoy going to skool spending time with muh friends... i can't really focus tho... and my hair is super short... and hmm yeah hahaha... haven't been updating for a long time, don't really have time... didn't even went online for more than an hour...

BOY INTERRUPTED!

life been great... tho many sins were done... hahaha... and hmm yeah... ppl are bitching about one another in school... for some reason, my global freinds been busy too... i'm so super childish... was plaing like a gun thingy with muh pencil case... and was like immagining that i was a pilot during malay class... well yeah maybe it's pre exam syndrome... anyways...

seems that someone is kinda distracted in a way... but still muh mind is on that eura gal... shit... i really dunt wanna have anything to do with her... anyways... i was planning to tell her i'm gay and not intrested in gurls... hahaha it work once... well almost hahaha...

ahhhhhhhhhh... my leg is numb and it's super painful...

anyways, i love earls... hahaha... maybe karma does work... and i watch this very sad love story about a boy who like a gurl but the gurl like another guy and the guy like the guy who like the gurl... and their son were in the middle, but yueah... it's kinda annoying coz the subu tittle wasent clear.. and their language [russian] was very nice...

anyways igtg sleep now... yawn... bed a calling me... and i have a drem to dream about...

btw, it's tru wad they say...

-[ how the heart feels ]-

2006-04-05T20:57:00.000+08:00

it's a mystery how one women can drive you crazy over and over again...
and the perfect women will always leads you in the right direction...

R-E-P-H-R-A-S-E-!

it's a mystery how one guy can drive you crazy over and over again...
and the perfect men will always leads you in the right direction...

aight... hmmm... i just found it weird that you could fall for the same person over and over again...

hmm... ok thas all i wanna say... dunt have mucht o say anyways...

and hmm Mai... you can beg all u want but i stil won't tell you about my seductive dream... hahaha...

btw Ary, been waiting for the video for a long long long long time already!!!

-[ updates for the unupdates entries ]-

2006-04-04T00:24:00.000+08:00

it's a mystery how one women can drive you crazy over and over again...
and the perfect women will always leads you in the right direction...

a friend of mine asked me what kind of women do i want my fiture wife to be...

this time the answers are different, guess that, over and all u can't be a good dude when you are suppose to be bad. i'm a sinner not a saint and i admit to that... get back to the future thingy,
my answers was: i wanted her to be elegant, graceful and poise, loud, shameless, funny, not too religious, and has to hve the basic looks... just figuring that, the person that you are gonna spent your life with has to be the kinda you can get along with.

i keep on having this weird seductive dream... wonder wad it is telling me...

simple said, i'm lost again... and i'm practicaly drunk...

---

hmmm... had NAFFA test today... manage to get hold of 3 A's and 2 C's. A's for:sit-up, stuttle-run and sit and reach. C's for: pull up and standing broad jump...

gonna retake my standing broad jump and pull up... since the A's for pull up is 8 and i manage to do 5 so i'll think about it... and standing broad jump for a B. was i donno 6 more cms of my jump... fuck hahahaha... 2.4km is next momday aiming for an A... just gtg be like, 40 secs faster to get that fucking A...

---

i'm sewing this tude cocktail dress... doing just fine, but running out of funds... wahahah... hmm mom and dad gonna help me on that. gonna go cloth hunting next tuesday at Geylang... and hmm this weekend maybe gtg get muh laces... so yeah mom been really supportive and ada too... and dad even got me thsi fold up wall table for my sewing stuff... so yeah he's supportive... told u fights brings ppl closer...

---

i think this is the end... nights...

-[ wad could be worst ]-

2006-03-23T00:23:00.000+08:00

the next part of the reality series, my dad and me, episod 05: the confession

haven been seeing dad eye to eye lately... tried to talk to him yesterday but he said firmly that he dosen't wanna talk to me...

was freaking fuck up... i tried, it dosen't work...

i came to realise the other day thet the only personthat could make me come crashing down to tears was my dad... my dad is the only one that could make me feel so horrid, so pathetic yet he is the one that sometimes raise my spirit high...

at skool, i was numb, emotionless until the end of skool... i couden't do my test cause the words that my dad said to me keep on repeating deep inside... i was pathetic, my soul was deprive... i was gasonading for the apology... cause i think i didnt really do nething wrong...

been having weird dreams, sleep half the time in school... i rather be alone...

1st dream: i move out from the house to live with my grandma... dad never called neither did i... and we never apologise on the 2st of syawal... and it goes on after that... a never ending story

2nd dream: i tried to salam muh dad before going to skool, and he took his hand away... and as i was walking off, i turn and said, why... and yeah me make up, but things were never the same...

those were the only dreams that i remember...

talk to mom and sis about dad... mom and sis said that all dad wanted me to do is to apologise... usualy i can say that... sorry is quite an easy word for me... not not today... this fights between up was different in every single aspects.

dad was just following his ego, and i, mending my pride...

then again... i put my place in dads shoe... thinking about my only son... the one that would carry on upon the generation... wad could hurt most that being hurt by his one and only son... wad could tears a dad hearts wide open? maybe wad dad says was right... but not entirely...

i just need my space, and if dad thinks that the more i'm ageing the more he can leave me on my own, he is so wrong... i need more attention then ever...

dad might be so ttly shock that day of our fight, it is almost to a week since we last talk, i feel empty and deprive... seeing a stranger living in the same house everday but not talking to him... it seem that i dunt have a dad at times...

the atmosphere in muh house aint really that great, it seems that everyone who is under the roof is affected...

but dd have to give in, cause i realy need muh space... i want things they way they are in my room as i spent 3/4 of my time at home in my room. the only place where i can just let my hair down...

maybe the sorry wont come today or maybe tomorrow... but picking up the courage to speak to him again is so hard... and living with the cash that i have in my hand is even harder... we havent really make eye contact, he never come by my room late at night to cheak on my, he never do that anymore... 3 more days and it's a saturday...

i can feel deeply that another outbreak might come up... suicide is not an option, running is way is not an option... i just not that kinda person...

and to the fucking irritating bitch, mind ya own freaking buisness... u sadistic biatch...

so wad could be worst? i have no idea... it seems that i hurt dad like dad hurt me, if only we could voice out without violence... maybe one day...

dad and me are nth alike... and thinking that i'm adpoted sometimes makes me much better cause i have a reason to be treated this way...

-[ they might be pretenders ]-

2006-03-20T19:24:00.000+08:00

fuck life, life is harsh cruel and morose: morbidity rules the world.

life is never about sunshine and rainbows... there is no such thing about life being sunshine and rainbow, life is hard... innocent life being taken away... a victim taken, i might be the next...

life is short so live it, smell it, fuck it!...

pretenders are amongst us... u might thing that the person next to you during chem lab or maybe your PE partner is your freind, but they are just pretending... ppl fuck me alot, and i dunt really, it's life dude... so get over it...

knowing that your friend beside u is just pretending in front of you is such a fucking thing... some ppl are just pretender, they will be your friend and stab you in the back...

so wad ya do when ya friend just pretending?... look on the positing side, if he's eveil, i could be worse... look it in such a way that it's a win win situation, both gain the cause...

some ppl ar ebetter off on their own... coz they are sick in the head... study3, get a life... and listen to all ya'll crap and just use it again you... so wad teh fuck...

wait... i forgot wad i was balbbering about... hahah nvm hahah...

anyways ppl cheers...
take care of ya self..
and you'll only know ya true freind only in times of needs...

[ a night at mac ]

2006-03-18T22:40:00.000+08:00

this post was suppose to be for yesterday. anyways, went to mac with shasha and dolly at around 12 yesterday. was fun, we laugh and talk. well hahaha...

blah blah blah... as we were chatting along... some mat rip like call me go outside... claiming that i was looking so called staring at his friends...

beingthe dumb ass i am, haha well hahah i was like smiling away talking to him... waddaya expect, it was funny. i was wearing some very preppy clpthing with my specs, like somekind of weird geeky nerd, but hey still got ppl like that wannalike so called 'hang' me...

that mat was like yeah i stil remember his beautiful feature, his teeth are out... ttly mess up... and his head and hands just can't stop moving when he was toking to me... wanna step big... pui!

well yeah sat down later, a lil fuck up but i dunt wanna destry the fun atmosphere, i tried calle my sis and her fiance but they didn't pick up, den i tried to call my sister friends, but hmm...i lost his number... and yeah i wasen't ttly happy coz yeah i didnt do anything wrong, like what the fuck...

trying to find problem with innocent little devils... den hmmdolly was like, nak call ashrab tak.. and i was like anything, den later ashrab come down..

ashrab other friend was there too, and talk to them like 1 on 1, ashrab was like standing one conner and lighting his cigar, den haha when ashrab approach the mat rip gigi, the gigi friend like got up as in like backing lah katerkan...

den we went hoime, the mat rip al nevr like pandang at us...

den like when i was cut off from them later, i called muh sis and yeah my sis finacee was fuck up, to my suprise they were like walking behind me singing this awful song, the voice really stink, hahha

and yeah my sis was like arushing towards me area and like my sis fiancee was like running towards them, but i stop him telling him that ashrab took care of it... but he still but hmm sis cool him down...

den we talk for a while... sis say that and i quote "sebelom diorang nak jentik adek2 ni sumer ar, ngok adek siape yg diorang jentik, salah silap aku tampar bisu 10 tahun" and yeah haha was kewl lah... den we talk sommore and blah blah blah... den i went home as if nothing happen....

~*~*~*~

anywas went to sentosa on wednesday.. i'll putan update on it with pics and many2 pic soon... btw hmmm... yeah nice chatting with u hun... it was fun... hahah

and norfa, hm msorry i didnt pick up ya call.. i was sleeping haha till like about 5pm wahahha...

and ary, try to focus on one gurl...

and to the rest yeah... hmm gud luck with wadever ya doing.... hahah

-[it's for the head of the house]-

2006-03-16T00:36:00.000+08:00

this is for the person who make me cry when i am sad
the one that screams on a shreaded heart
the one that see only on the outside but not the in
and this is for him
my dad...

me and muh dad... muh dad and muah!
a shipwreck, quicksand, relationship base on superficiality
disagreements.

me and muh dad, we also fight over the smaller little2 things. me and my dad.
me and my dad, we were off on a rockey start this year and yesh, things got better but it did not last.

my dad and me. dad has this things for ruining my happy moments at the end of the day. he didnt not even make an effort to even strat a small chat. never, never, never and things will never change. not now, not later...

my dad has this habbit of screaming on the phone. and never says bye. my dad, he can't relley put the fault on me if i treat him the same, coz he is teh one that asked for it. my dad, we don't have a strong bond to begin with, it's like i'm someone elses adopted son.

my dad, he never taught me how to swin, how to play soccer, sports, my dad, he is superficial towards me. never really bother if, i'm in the mist of confusion, troubled, disturb, distress...

my dad, he use to tease me when i was little, on how weak i am, on how soft i am, on how lsick i am at playing soccer, at how stupid i am, at how wad ever means things...

my dad, he never give me my space, he don't really trust me, he want me to be like him, a boring person...
my dad he promise that i'll have a chance to decide my education path after my O's... but in teh end he decide.
the only reason that i ever wanna took my O is so that i'll be free to choose...
but being the dad he, having my dad, he decide... i had to fight for my rights!

yesh, i can finally choose but i know he wont be behind me all the way. he wants me, his "son" to be a boring buisness men and settle down fast.

my dad, made his dream into mine.

i have a dream. i wanna be a designer, a photograper, a person... which is insane for teh good reason, well known for his talent well known for being him and having his originality.
my dad he never see my way.

my dad trying to make me forget all my dreams, my life my soul...

dad maybe i wll be a buisness men maybe i'll be wad u want me to be, coz i'm sick of you for deciding everything for me...

my dad, he never really understand fashion and always brings me down when i have the best clothes on... my dad, he hurts me emotional and mentaly...

my dad, is lucky to have a son like me, i dunt smoke, have no piercing no tattoo, not in any culture, dosent cause him shame. instead i pray, i study, i smile, he nevr sees dad... he blames me of smoking, he blames me of mixing with teh wrong company even tho se knows all my freinds..

my dad, he's trying toi deprive my soul, take away my frind take away my life... it just seems that hedunt wanna me to be happy...

my dad, he never undertands wad i'm going through, instead of healing the wound, he make it worse!

my dad never want me to be happy.
all he want me to do is to just stay at home!
a few years back when i got no friends, dad keep on asking to to go out make freind have fun...
but when i do have friend he justaint happy.

my dad. my dad. my dad needs help. he needs to go to some session of teenagers.

luckily i have friends around me that help me trhough the day. makes my pain all go away. makes me smile, laugh, shead tears of joy. and for that i thank muh freinds...

dad... ... ... i wish i was adopted. so at least i know a reason for your actions. dad... if i nevr speak to you, i know u wont even notice... if i was to ever die i know i woulden be missed...if i was to run away you prolly wont even bother coz, i know all ur burden will be gone...
dad some times i wish u read my blog... so u know how i feel...

that, i need a therapist... i need to be counceled... coz i'm not myself... i;m you... i'm sick of pretending to say good bye... to leangthen my convo on teh phone in front of my friend when u actually hang up on teh first place..
i'm sick of pretending that my dad and me is really close.
cause dad i'm not a pretender... i'm not making a movie... i'm living in a world that ppl have feeling... dad i'll stop desigining, i'll stop making t shirts. i'll stop wathcing runways video, i'll stop buying fashion mags, i'll stop sewing, i'll stop wearing fashionable clothes, i'll be simple, i'll be a pretender... i'll be, i'll be you... just like wad u wanted me to...

-[ appreciation: thank you ]-

2006-03-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

i would just like to say thank you to all these ppl for having a piece of my heart and a moment in my memory...

azhmeera shasha: gurl, thank for being there for me throughout all these years, tolarating all my crap, sharing my joy and my happiness. i knoe that i'm not the best friend that i could have been, but i hope whatever i did will be appreciated. and thank you for believeing in me, pushing me and lift me up whenever i'm on the ground.

nadira: you're the one that i share most of my life with mentally, even tho i hate you so much, i love you even more for being my friend, for accepting me back when i had no one, for being kind to me even tho i treat u lke shit. you are the one that tell me straight to the face about my farking bad attitude, even tho i curse you for that, i should thank you even more as wadever u said is true. u make me notice all my flaw. and i hope you are forever happy with mr sweetheart. :D

Lizzie: i have no idea how i am gonna repayall your deeds. but i willone day. tahnk for being there for me listening to all my problems. for calling me at times when i need to escape a situation. thank for everything lizzie. i'm bless to have a friend like you.

Marina: i have always think that u are cute and elegant. a smile of an angel. all i wanna say is thank you for making my recess time a much better one. and thanks for being my friend...

Azyy: it's a double Y... even tho i only knew you for like about a year, i feel that you are the kind of friend that everybody needs. the one that just smack you back to reality with all those mean but truthful words. as for that, i wanna say thank you as you are the one that i could just let it all out no matter wad time it is... and gud luck with u know who, but i donno who??!! hahah

Sahirrah A.k.a Nafa tour guide: well i barely know you but i think u deserve a spot here... u listen to all my dreams with i tot was impossible, but u make me believe that i could do it. u make me think that my impossible dreams are possible. at the same time u remind me that ihave a major exam to sit for. u are funny and sweet. and yesh i think we were faited to meet each other.

Huda: i ttly CENCORED!!! soyeah i said it... you make me believe in myself. make me think for myself. you give me all the TLC that a guy could ever asked for. my time is never wasted when i'm with you... even tho i've hurt you before i promise that won't happen agian. and hun... thank for everthing...

Mizah: gal, u are a true friend, we might not be seeing each other or talk verbally but yesh u are always here with me. you help me out when i was having my breakdowns you make me belive that i could do the impossible. and gud luck with mr sweetheart.

MiraCina & Fateen: u guys are always smiling, there will never be a dull moment with u guys! ttly love u guys....!!! u guys arej just the best... miss u guys loads! and thank for everything. and fateen... TAMPINES! hehe

Mai: mai, your sweet. and tahnk for comming back into my life. making me smile and keep on making me laugh... and hope yo are doing fine on your own.

Wawan A.k.a DiR Nauz: you are the only guy friend that actually listen to al my crap. and hmm i just wanna say sorry for all those cruel jokes and hmm yeah... man, u are the one that i could talk about anything too... and tahnk for being there...

Syam: i have no idea where u are now... all i wanna say that, thank you for making the early years of my life a happy one... u leave a mark in my soul and will will always be remembered. even tho we choose different path in life and may never meet again. thank you, for the things that u once did.

you all can see that, there's not much guy names in here. that is because the guys in mylife only bring me down, make me feel low, was never there in yimes of needs. and for those name who i haven mention. plz tell me. cause i can't really think of all the names now.

-[thoughts: life and it's enviroment]-

2006-02-22T19:52:00.000+08:00

Firstly, sorry guys if I haven update my blog for such a long time… I can see that ppl can’t wait for me to write my blog. Well I have loads to write so just bear with me for a bout hmm a few minutes I think…

Firstly I wanna share about wad I’m actually feeling over these past few days… welll to start it off, someone called me arrogant and egoistic… I can’t find the problem in me as I am still the same. The problem lies with her… I can’t accept al this words been thrown at me for no specific reason, wad the hell is wrong with that shit anyways… enough about her…

Well hmm secondly, ayu is like trying to keep contact with me… and I guess being the guy I am, well I would prolly accept her apology…

Then there’s mai, who keep on making me smile hahhaa… lol my dear old friend… hmm she’s out of sec skool but I am still stuck in it….

Marina’s been great, kinda like very attached to her now, haha her bestfriend got jealous and confronted me… well not my problem anyways, she’s too emotional, and I just don’t get along well with emotional ppl as I am a very sarcastic person when it comes to joke… right about marina… well nothing much about her…

Ksh keep on saying that she misses me… hahah miss ya too dudett… hahah hope u gert into the skool ya wanted…

Well hmm about that marina bestfriend thing, I just wanna like ignore her for a while, can’t really stand her annoying face… if you are reading this I’m just stating the fact…

And hm welll yeah I finally got control over some class admin stuff… was kinda proud of myself… got the t-shirt design ready was sooo hot… talking about hotness I chat with this hott guy for like 2 hours lol not really he’s my childhood friend hahah lol…hahha his pimples are all gone… wow… hahaha…

Hmm TODAY WAS LIZZIE’s BIRTHDAY… it was cold cold cold… coz we were eating ice cream cake…. Haha pink and white deco… just the way she likes it… hahah well she’s 17 already hahah older than us all… anyways hmm yeah wish that all your wishes come true….

Been talking to my lame nafa tour guide lately, well she’s not lame her name is shahirrah I think that is how it is spelt… she make sme have doubts about taking fashion design… theater seems to be fun in a way…. Totally hot… hahha… and hmm well if I don’t make it to nafa I prolly would go to aus to study eng lit and become a teacher… that’s my plan b… kinda boring… hahah being a lame ass teacher…

Hmm other than dat I am so sad that I couldn’t do any of my math test :’( feel like crying, but I wont give up any time soon… coz I wanna make it through my sec 5… like mdm hannifah said “sec 5 is the biggest hurdle in life, once you pass it, it would be easy” so yeah gotta make it though… hmm with lady luck on my side I can’t fail this time…

Ouh yeah hmm huda been thinking about me… hmmm we are drifting apart in a way… well hmm me tryiong to keep it strong but it take two hands to clap…

Well guys i think that is all the summaries of whatever day that I did not blog… hahah btw my art is hot! I’m so totally in love with it.. hahaha… :P

Btw there will be a surprise for my next post hahaha…. It’s gonna be hot!!!

CheeRs

nanyang academy of fine arts

2006-02-10T23:51:00.000+08:00

it's friday and hmm i've been wanting to go to nafa, been planning it for months. me shasha, marina, shara and azri was the 4 main person to go with me that day. shasha got sick, marina and shara bastard me and hmm azri bastard me coz of some reason which i am unable to mention. and yeah finally azri, sarah, olsen and me make our way to nafa...

i was the last to arrived at the meeting point. we arrived at arounf 3+, got on the tour...

our first tour guide was farhan a first year taking manufacturing shit... and he was totally boring coz hmm... can't reallly joke with, but overall he was ok, coz he really describe and explain in details.. so 2 cheers for him, yes only 2 cheers...

i was so amaze at their very modernize machinery, so high tech, i din't know that there was so many sewing machine... until i went to nafa... werid huh...

well finished up the tour by looking at some past years work and design... was amazing... totally speechless... leaving the fashion design campus with a bigger smile than i had before...

next was up to the performing arts campus. there we got gloria as our guidie... she took the picture for us, tho the moment with her only lasted a few minutes... it was fun hahah

taken by gloria

gloria pass over her duty to shirah... she's amazing and have a really kewl specs that only cost $60... really nice, nicer than mind. well it's all about the places, u must know how to get good stuff at affordable price.

we toured the place and hmm ended up atthis like dance room where all of us including the guidie shahira just laugh our ass off making lame joke and stuff... well hmm olsen show us some dance move which was so totally awesome, here's the pic...

and hmm well we technically got jealous and decided to show some dance pose. shahirah took this for us...

thanks shahirah for the marvellous photo... wee now ladies and gentlemen move your lazy eyes to the left hand side of the picture, don't i and sarah look nice, we are like dancing... hahah

and we move around see some life plays and see some life performing indonesian music thingy... wow... if there is hmm the best guide award, shahira would definately win it... well she's a first years student and hmm in performing arts but i forgot which sector...

well move here and there and hmm sad to say but we have to leave... the campus... it was such a sad thing... but hey we got a picture to remember by and shahira is in it too... take a look!!

thanks shahirah for everything!! really appreciate it and take for answering all my ]crappy question...

and those are sarah's new theatral friend

by now all of our stomach are hungry and making funny noises, could join the band, haha, grab some food at the nearby coffee shop, the guys...

yes guys i eat food at coffee shop too, i'm not all that high maintenance...

yup we are heading to play pool!!!

went to play pool, and hmm yeah was fun tho i didn't play coz i had a bad experience... look at olsen giveing it a go!! awesome!

aren't they just the cutesting things?? [ugly but adorable. haha]

after that we went to bugis junction, walk around window shopping, nothing really captures me. went for desert at MC... get some ice cream and fries... hmmm yummy...

just look at sarah/s face eating the chocolate sundae

and we went to this new place in bugis, and hmm we went to this shop, and kinda chat with the owner... well hmm was fun, and his stuff was amazing but expensive, and hmm well not really that expensive but expensive... well get me??
and then we went to this other shop and kinda chat away too they sell customize stuff and we could actually bring our stuff for them to customize... but the charges are kinda expensive... but well, gotta pay more for sumthing more..

and hmm we were kinda bored in the end and finally olsen and me kinda dared sarah to run pass the fountain that shoot up water... and hmm den sarah said we al should do it and azri back out... and me and sarah and olsen ran pass it... ppl are watching but well who cares... it was fun that is all that matters... weee hahaha fun fun fun!!!

taken after we ran pass the fountain... hmm... look at my hand... wad an ugly pose... hahah

well we went home after that... sitting at the train...

above are some photo taken at the train...

olsen is looking at the sign board, he didn't actually look at it, but i thought this was nice... yes we are at woodlands... how fast time pass... hahah so hmm well going to lasalle this sunday... and hmm this was the post for friday but i took a long time to write it all out... we... watch out for my next pose on lasalle...

disturbing videos...

2006-02-08T19:26:00.000+08:00

welcome to my new, hmm hobbie... hahah getting weird, disgustinf, semi-erotic videos on the net and putting in my blog.... all videos are rated NC16, no nudity will be available, so sorry mate... haha coz i'ma clean guy...

well this is from a game show, how exciting... but in a way, weird... but hot! don't get me wrong hahaha... just look at them kissing hahaha, h-how pasionate! hahaha

p.s: ksh, i got you wad you think is hot... have fun watching...

this is wad the kids our age are doing to get rid of their sexual desires... haha... well ksh i think you would like this too...

for you people who dosen't know who is billy, he's the lead singer of greenday... well ksh that will spice things up... hahha

well people thats the end of my disturbing video... be sure the check every first week and last week or maybe everyweek of the month for more disturbing videos... you will surely like it... haha i know i do... hahah...

troubled!

2006-02-08T18:14:00.000+08:00

looking at the faces smiling at me as i walk down the hall, just keep me thinking weather they really meant it or are there just smiling just for the sake of it? was in sincere or was it a fake...
listening to people say, fizzy! you are the best friend that i could ever asked for, saying the love the way i am, only to find out they don't really meant wad they say...

people taking to me like they know me for years and years and judging me without even censoring their cruel harsh words, talking as if we talked before, making joke as if they really wanted me to laugh, only to found out that i was in their way with their friends...
knowing people and giving them a labels of sis and bro only to find out that they don't really meant it, just saying that just for the fun of it...

having to know people with split persona, acting differently with their friends and talking behind my back...

tolerating people who just don't get the message of not to disturb me coz i'm sick of their disguise and dirty lies, their fake smile, evil laugh, cruel intention, and morose heart... morbidity is the path that i choose... and forever it will remains...

a broken past

i slide the blade across my arm
causing myself pain and harm

i think the pain makes it all go away
but that not how it works, at least not today

i wonder why i did all this
what makes me feel this way
i look down at my arm
at the blood dripping down

i began to cry
and started to wonder why

why doesn’t anyone care?
why isn't anyone there?

all my life i've been this way
all my life i wanted to die

all alone i will fall
with no one to catch me,
no one, no one at all...

by the way guys, this is just the poem... nothing more and nothing less, just an art, a literature... a way of expresing oneself, in a akward but artictic ways...

quiz that i took about...

2006-02-06T16:29:00.000+08:00

You Are a Glazed Donut

Okay, you know that you're plain - and you're cool with that.You prefer not to let anything distract from your sweetness.Your appeal is understated yet universal. Everyone dig you.And in a pinch, you'll probably get eaten.

What Donut Are You?

wow, i'm a plain donut, how wonderful, it just make me look so plain and hmm normal, with nothing to WOW about... right... sighhhhhh...

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.
You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Who Were You In High School?

how ironic, hahah i'm so arty farty!

You Are 68% Abnormal

You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

sheesh.... it say it all, i've got no soul... idiot... sheesh... wtf... starting to believe these results...

What Your Underwear Says About You

You're a total rebel who doesn't conform to any rules. P.S. - It's a jungle down there!

You're not afraid to lay around resting your hand in your pants.

The Underwear Oracle

it's so funny... so gurls watch out... wahahaha...

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

mysterious at love wow, haha how dashing hahaha, hahaha

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

gosh... wow... hahah

so sum it all up, i'm weird and a psychopath with a mysterious love life of sum sort and i'm so totally shameless till that i'm ain't afraid to up my hand in muy pants... wow, how encouraging... sheesh at risk at being an anti-climax, hahah azyy right about that tho... hahaha well yeah...

i've finally update my blog, to bad it's nothing personal or anything, just in a confuse stae ar, can't sort the words in my head, having someone elses mind inside of me, weird, well i know i am and after the test i'm certainly sure about that.

[2 days in malaysia]

2006-01-30T22:58:00.000+08:00

was at my grandpa house yesterday, went there for a small bbq, us us families and some cousins as well, was amazing. as usually i started the fire and have to cook the food. luckily my abg sedare was there so yeah i quickly ran off to eat. eat quite a lot and i think i just gain a few more kilos. anyways not all my aunties from my mummy side were there, coz yeah the world between us still aint at peace.

firstly, i think that the fights between mummy's ain't right coz it is not only them that are suffering. us too cousins don't get to see much of each other. it is totally selfish. and secondly, it's just a small fight that got big because of people shitty mouth. i think that satan's doing a good job at doing all these complicated shits.

the bbq was a blast, i even learn to ride a motorbike as in motorcycle during the bbq. the feeling was amazing. only god knows how it feels like. so yeah to my future whatever, hmm transportation ain't gonna be a problem haha.

the only thing i can't stand at my grandpa's place is the amount of mosquito!!! got bit at my leg, arm, ear, fingers, hmm where else? don't really remember. so yeah...

but before our departure i finally found the boxers shasha gave me as a gift 2 yeas back which got lost last year! btw wearing it now! hahah so yeah ending the fist night, we play some fire cracker, some rocket thing which explode and fire works! was amazing!!! and we sleep... and got bitten by mosquito again...

the next day which is today was... hmm... unexpected i shall say. dad and mum was like,
"how about we took a look at the show room?" and yeah we went there look at some houses... and hmm bought one... but the dream home that we wanted to buy was 700K and was to expensive the other one was 400++k and hmm i don't really like it much same goes for everyone... den we finally bought one at 300+K.

well dad's been planning to move there for a longt ime since the plan a of moving to australia was hmm overuled by some members of the family from my dad's side. so yeah gonna live in malaysia in 2 years from now... but dad is gonna buy a house in jurong as well coz it's near tuas second link. sis is gonna be in that house, coz by the time we move, i'm gonna be 20? sis prolly already gotten married. my adeq prolly have slim down :P hahaha... and i prolly getthat person, well if got permits that is.

about the bike thing dad was like saying he wanted to get me a bike maybe but i don't really like bikes that much. so yeah don't really care.

so yeah just got home... and hmm... yeah that's about it...
btw, to you know who, were you talking about me the other time...?

[marathon: words, movie]

2006-01-29T01:34:00.000+08:00

watch 5 movie straight today, 'a walk to remember' [again], 'cheaper by the dozen 2', 'memoirs of a geisha', 'the whole ten yards' & 'pirate of the carrabien'... but before i have all those guilty pleasures, i had to do some pitiful house chores, was exhausted, NuruL was also doing her chores and yeah i was thinking that both of us could actually set up a business in house cleaning, was a horrendous suggestion.

like usual, 'a walk to remember' totally captures my heart again, there is just something about that movie that really turns me on... 'cheaper by the dozen 2' was totally hilarious laugh my ass off, but there is a moral to learn in that story and i strongly recommend that story to, nadira and NuruL... coz you guys could learn a thing or two from that awesome movie.

'memoirs of a geisha' was awesome it's the best movie so far i've seen this year... maybe i should try to get a verse or two from that movie that really² means a lot of sense. well the movie was 2 freaking hours and was totally fun to watch. there are some funny part and scene that totally leave you speechless.

'the whole ten yards' and 'pirate of the carrabien' on cable, was amazing... kiera was totally awesome on pirate of the carrabien, totally love her, the speech on pirate of the carrabian was somewhat hmm complicating yet smoothing. the whole ten yards was hmm someone a confusing movie coz i have a hard time understanding that movie, over all it was amazing coz yeah hmm...

other than that, there’s been a lot of NuruL and nadira on my watch, and yeah ary you've been a great company in the middle of the night.

this is to you know who you are, you have to make a choice sis, coz it's either you still suffer the excruciating heart pain with him or leave him for a better life, anyways being a ###### not that important these days, but hmmm look on the bright side, you have a lifetime to redeem yourself. and need i need to say this again, use some freaking protection!!! well hope the thing come soon or you'll be in deep shit, so anyways, you know where you can find me, and yeah lastly, take care and make the right choice aight...

well lastly to huda, glad mummy coming back home to you guys finally, well yeah the excitement is getting to me too, ouh guys, btw NuruL and huda are the same person. anyways i'm still waiting for the answer weather you were talking about me the other day...

right this is for my mate Aan, eh jangan jadi bodoh, she still love you inside out, and i know you still have the same feeling for her, she doesn’t need al this emotional distraction now you see, just go and talk to her at least, make her understand... and yes, even tho no matter how many time you guys say u guys hate each other, all i know it undying love... bak perpatah 'benci tapi rindu' hahhaa

ouh btw wan if you are reading my blog which i know you won't but what the heck, dok sorry for pissing you off all the time, and yeah sorry again, i'll try to pissed you off less often.. hehe

so anyways people i'm going to NAFA and i have my sis backing me up and talking to my dad soon... seriously i don’t wanna take buisness like he asked me too... and hmm.. love you guys for being my friend and all well yeah that’s all... i'm getting all emotional....

[i know where i should go]

2006-01-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

haloha... well... today was totally weird, coz i was silent all the way at skool, keep on jumping from one clan to another, getting lost and feeling very2 low... during the celebration, i pissed my friend off, the same friend that i pissed everytime...

got home buy some pancake put butter coz i think that chocolate is too fattening. went home and do art... boring but then yeah sumthing just strike me... out of no where i know what i want to do... fashion design... well i know dad won't approve at first that it won't support me financial and it's not a stable job but i wanted too...

talk to kak naj about this and she asked me to got for it, well kak naj has been like my own sis, since my sis always busy but yeah talk to my sis just now too and she say she's gonna talk to dad... so sorry dad, i won't do buisness just because u asked me too... coz at the end ofthe day, it's all about me.. and thanks sis for like being there this once...

well other than that, i read huda's blog, lol, got sumthing about me and hmm XXXXboyfriend... so yeah gonna go investigate, and hmm huda know's atiqah, as in my ex skool student as in the Uztaz nye anak... kewl huh, wad a small world

talk to dian just now, was fun she still owe me a cookie, hmm miracina gonna get me 'taller in more ways' but i doubt i'm getting it. hahah

anyways guys, cheers, if you wanna know wad so funny but hot about huda, read her blog lol..

p/s:sakina you will find the right present for sang lah for valentine, just chill k... lol hahah and my tag board is ok, your comp needs upgrades!

till den,
CHEERS!!!

[rebellious me]

2006-01-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

i really hate math just now... was so freaking fustrated with my teacher. this is what happen actually, i had math mentor yesterday but did not turn up as i was to tired. she my teacher, somehow holds a grudge and took it on my during math just now. i reallyÂ² need to go and pee and shewouldn'tt let me go... it's like she letother'ss go but me... i was so freaking urgent that i just got up and walk straight to the toilet... and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh... wad a relief just at the nick of time... hahah

well yeahdon'tt really have much to tell these day coz nothing exciting happen...

[scribbles]

2006-01-23T18:42:00.000+08:00

today was hmm.. fine i think... malay lesson was so boring that i practically fall asleep... physical education was great at first coz i ace my 2.4km trial ran. so yeah improve by a lot. when it comes to laying game in which i was so looking foward, guess what? i didn't even get to play was fuck up lah coz i was waiting for it all the while. so yeah art was fine and yeah that's about that.

when was walking home with shasha i just got hungry so we went to kfc and yeah just chat-a-way... and yeah at about 3.30 we left the place. got home clean up my room, it's super clean now. took my shower and watch "a walk to remember" again. i have no idea how many times i watch that show it's just so... hahhhhhh... when i watch that show...

love

love is always patients and kind
it is never jealous
love is never boastful or conceded
it is never rude or selfish
it does not take offence
and it is not resentful
love take no pleasure
in other peoples sins, delights and truth
it is always ready to excuse, to trust to hope and to endure
what ever comes

those are some of the few stuff you could find in that movie. it just lifts your spirit and make you feel all better inside. "a walk to remember" is one of the movie in which you could never get bored off.

[photograph]

2006-01-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

was so bored studying and was so bored doing my artsy stuff. i went trashing my room to find my photo album which when i finally found it was so freaking dusty. went to look at some photograph that i took last year during our vacations with our family friends. well yeah everyone seems to be happy den... all smiling and all. but yeah who would have know it was just a moment thingy.

after a while looking and smiling to myself like some madman i decided to flip and lok at those of that i took during the YESCOM. shai, karno, ayuni, khai, dian, niakiah and me... yeas the first group photo we ever take together but yeah azyy wasent in it...

who would have tot that everyting and everyone would just drifted apart. hmm all those words that we'll be freinds forever, a justa bunch of shit.

so yeah, was looking at this picture of me with thiss guy, so carefree so innocent but yeah... move on to a different path, btw your the best guy friend i ever had... too bad i dunt have a scanner to scan this...

gawd ther eis to many pic and it would take ages to finish... but nvm... have to get laid... skool starting in a few hours...

[the first but not the last]

2006-01-22T18:42:00.000+08:00

thing that's has been bothering me...

seems ppl are moving on quite easy these day, I'm still wondering why i'm still hanging on when it's time to let go. anyways, ppl make new friends and leave their old mates behind so not unusual. but yeah it's really getting on me, just couldn't take it...

so yeah got into a small fight with mom today, weird coz i also got into fights with dad. we were suppose to go for a family breakfast so my mom wake me up even after i told her i didn't wanna go. i have so much freaking homework and artsy stuff to do, yet till now i haven touch any of those work that i'm suppose to do. so i practically just got up from bed took my bath and get ready. but yeah when my dad was like in the living room couch all ready, i told him i don't wanna go and he's perfectly fine with it... so i didn't go... did my mly homework, actually i just stare at it coz yeah i reallyÂ² don't understand one freaking shit of it... and yeah it was malay?howo could i...

took a nap and my cuzzie wake me up, play some game on my all dusty xbox, idon'tt really play it much. dad insist on buying one... wonder why... and yeah and after a while i decided to make this blog... it was fun i guess... got someinspirationn from fadli's blog, exactly the same skin. technically i just copied paste everything... hope you are fine with it tho...

to huda: thanks muh lady for being there when you are not there... hmm... thanks for the concern and stuff... was really touch by wad was written at your blog. and yeah wad else... practice wad you preach, try talking to your mom about the stuff that has been going through your head.

to mizah: thanks again for listening all my crap over and over again... i donno wad i will do without you gurl. you are my saviour my lifeline... hhahaa so freaking mushy... but wad the heck.

chat to an old freind of mine, really miss him, art calss isnit the same without him around. haiz... marc why do you have to migrate... anyways hope you are doing fine and it was nice chatting to you... till next time man.. peace out...

i miss victoria's secret yesterday cause i had some function to attend to.. which i almost fall asleep... was really boring no one i knew was there. and talk to my dad's father sibling's son's wife... was yeah funny... coz it seems like we know each other.

well slept late yesterday, but lucky me a guy from my msn just pop by for a chat... yeah it wasen't a clean chat but wtf, it's late at night, but yeah i got a freind to help me to answer some of his question and stuff... thanks hana...

yeah i think that is about it... and yeah till next time...