firstly, i want u guys to read the tag that Nurul text. 22 december
btw lizzie, that was so predicatable of you... asking me to actually go somewhat say... but instead u just play with teh words i'm saying...
-end
i dono wad is going on with my life now... i didnt choose the life i get, but i choose to choose this life i'm having... i'm embracing it with all my heart... i dunt mind u all leaving..
neal beautifull ain hadi lizzie
just to name a few on my top 5 chart hits!
screw me blame me... burn me alive... i wont stop... i wont quit... i'm standing where i'm standing... i'm staying...
i know i hurt loads of ppl becoz of fashion thing.. but it is my future we are talking here... evryone of u shit knows that i'm no smart ass... i flung, i fail, i stretch, i fall... i screw it all... i make, it break i tried... it slide...
and my fashion fest was a huge portfolio for me... it a sub for my o levels...
look at where we are now... i rather not have friends... just to get things done...
everyone keep on asking for a day... a day for lizzie.. a day for neal... a day for hmm james... a day for naqiah... a day for everyone... is not a day.. it will cost me my reputation..
things change... but ppl stay the same... they only think they chnage becoz they are doing this differently.. truth is they get more mature, they get resposibility...
and dosent me i get wad i want i'm happy.. coz this is not wad i want.. and if i were to quit becoz i wanted friends, i'll be the most shittiest ppl around...
to get whre i wanna be, i gtg sacrifies some stuff... friends for example... i gtg preseverre... i gtg soar not fly... i gtg make wings for me to fly... coz you only had one life to live... and if u screw it all but not doing wad u wanna do, u might as well just die...
i donno wad i'm toking about... i guess that i'm just pissed i guess... i'm wondering how much longer i have to go through this... i guessi chould coz certain ppl will always be there...
shahirah zai syam serena james
just to name a few,...
| caught in rapture @ 4:01 AM|
__________
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
--[wad happen]--
ok that was one mess up blog entry... so yeah... went to some guys and sort of pour it all pout out... thanks hafiz for bailing on me and just sign off!
anyways, went to talk to my lil cuz... he was trying to follow but yeah... he did manage talk about my past a bit here and there.. the dark side of my story... before i become this good, kid hehe...
went to zai... it was amazing weird, coz i never went to zai if i have any problems... but yeah i guess i was desperate.. he was sollowing and he made one very good point...
"human, never ever feel sastified with wad they have"
cheers to you on that... i want his life he wants mine.. if there was such thing as a swap machine... i woulod gladly do it... but i guess there isint one..
went all over and i realise that, i do have friends... justthat they are all too good for me...
anyways had my 2nd smoke of the year last friday... it was inhale heaven... and yeah hmm total smoke between friday till sunday? 7... ok so i'm getting addicted once more... whose to blame?? me?? i guess so yeah, so now my dunt drink dunt smoke profile.. is just dunt drink and commercial smoking... aint that just gorgeous... and honestly i'm crazing for a smoke at this bloody moment... gonna get a pack tomorrow i guess...
my face is getting worse... lack of sleep and that sorta thing i guess...
syam or so called roy, suggest that i should pump up my body, hopefully that will make me feel much more better bout myself.. reson i give: naah to lazy, it is notlike i';m going to the beach, or pool.. and it is not like i'm gonna get laid anytime soon... yesh ppl still a virgin here... i somewhat realise my life is lacking in colour, i'm gonan change my blog skin soon...
anyways, i'm truly madly deeply in love with someone... but i wont do anything, coz it will just get complicated... so deary, just hold on, and yeah let go if u want too...
an update: number of smoke- 7 number hungs- uncountable number of kisses- 4 mustarbation- none [im a good boy] getting dump- once numbre of porn watch- once [a friends video, lol] times gettig turn on- haha lol... ok getting lame...
and i realise that iget turn on as all the wrong time.. ok too much info...
noting much to say... i'm a lil sane now... i guess...
btw i kinda found my use to be best friends. a total hottie now... i wonder wad went wrong with me... hmmz... and i kinda envy someone's life...
-deconstruction of egoism... www.youtube.com/haffys <--- linkl to my fashion show... cheers merry fuckfest and fucking new sheets! <---- a quotation by neal.
| caught in rapture @ 5:19 AM|
__________
--[wish i didn't]--
i'm like searching friendster like 24/7 for my old mates... and i just relise that how insecure i've bcome since i foudn them...
great so i found: hassan- seems pretty normal like hopw he use to be. much more good looking. farihin: same old guy nth much change: nadia: who is now amazingly hot. shazlee and his lil bro: so amazing shacok... like some kinda guy i actually tot i whould be one day... and yeah amazing hot too... hazim: who is one bloddy handsome dude.
so basically, all of them are hotter, prettier, taller, sexier, and wad so ever greater than me... and somehoe i feel so insecure...
shouldi continue my search for shikin? sharil? aljuffri? saedah?
so should i just let go... god know how i feel if they are not wad i expect them to me. i'm just simply afraid... afraid thatthey view me ouh, hafiz, still the same old bloody kid nothing change much about him, kinda thing...
other stories...
i'm kinda lonely nowadays... i have loads of friends but none i could really count on... and i guess, i put my self in this place i'm in. maybe chasing my dreams now isn't the best thing.
looking through almost all of my fright profile in friendster ameks me sick. i dunt have all those group photo they have. i dunt have all those love-dovey pictures that they have. i dunt feel the hurt and happiness that i think i should.. i always say it didnt bother me. but it did...
maybe taking up fashion was a mistake. i'm still having doubts in this... who am i? i need a break. i dunt wanna be left alone. i wanna be alone. it is two different things..
maybe fashion fest was the best thing that happen in my life... feeling so apprecited by everyone... all those smiling face... all thoso fucks from ppl... just amkes me wanna work much harder.. someting to look fowards too.. after all that ends i feel so empty.
most ppl wanst to be me.. well be my guest. u can have my life.. i wanna be an average guy.. your normal teenager..
who works in fast food, den to some depart mental store...
not selling muusic cds atteh ade of 14 not seeling condom at the age of 15 not seeling accessories at the age of 16 and dresses and t-shirt at 17
sometime i feel that my talent is a curse to me... i'm bloody down. i dunt have much rest and no one really cares
i dunt have time for my friends anymore.. i miss them dearly.. but they took my absent as a reason of me not wanting to be there... i just need a bloody break...
i'm confuse, i'm insecure, i'm lost, and all i want was to be love an appreciated...
i dunt want fame, i dunt want fortune, i dunt want to have a galmourous life... i just wanna be average, yopur average teenager next door, nopt a suburb away. not a blok away...
i just wanna drown myself... cut my self till every blood is drain... take my last breath and hold it in...
i dunt knwo wads to do anymore... i'm breaking down... breaking into amillion pieces...
shit! it is not all in the mind u bitch... u just crack if u just control your every emotion and counter it... it will just suck u dry tyill u are deprive from evryting...
-fuck this life i'm having-
| caught in rapture @ 1:43 AM|
__________
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
--[recently]--
my apologies to everyone who i didnt invite to my fashion show, due to limited tickets...
anyways, at random... if you love someone truly, madly, deeply, tell it to him... we guys are practically blind. we dont really see the hint.
haven't had a good cry in months.
My Heart
to really understand the song, go watch, 'Heart'
Pencinta Wanita
-end
Have been a long time since i went online. i really got nothing much to say. just that i'm confuse...
Sampai Menutup Mata
Sometime our destiny could be so close it's practically invincible ~~~<~@ <3
| caught in rapture @ 3:33 AM|
__________
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
--[waiting]--
yup, my birthday is tomorrow... i just wanna see if that someone wished me... just waiting till the clock struck 12. and 12 again...
well, i'm not gonna blog for a week i think... busy2 man... hahha
| caught in rapture @ 8:43 PM|
__________
Thursday, October 12, 2006
--[never thought]--
hahaha... kinda miss those days of being attached... ppl please pity me, coz i'm the one who got dump...
who whould wanna dump me right? hahah, i'm sweet, charming, good looking, dress well, with money... [self-pity]
btw my friend sing me this song. by paris hilton.
nothing in this world
Da da da da da da da Da da da da da da da
So I was thinking to myslef When you passed me buy He's what i like And do you were with somebody else But you can't deny It's me in your eyes
Do you know What it's like When it's wrong But it feels so right
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight I can do what she can do so much better Nothing in this world can turn off the light I'm gonna make you feel alright Tonight Da da da da da da da Da da da da da da da Tonight Da da da da da da da Da da da da da da da
Baby you and I we got What will never be You know I'm right So tell me what your waiting for when your here with me Most guys would die You should know (you should know) What it's like (what it's like) When it hurts (when it hurts) 'Cause it feels so right
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight I can do what she can do so much better (so much better) Nothing in this world can turn off the light I'm gonna make you feel alright Tonight Da da da da da da da Da da da da da da da Tonight Da da da da da da da Da da da da da da da
I gotta tell you something It's something that you just might like No it's not the same thing Yeah you learn I'm not too shy You and I we can do this thing tonight
Nothing in this world can stop us tonight I can do what she can do so much better Nothing in this world can turn off the light I'm gonna make you feel alright (feel alright) Tonight Nothing in this world can stop us tonight (tonight) I can do what she can do so much better Nothing in this world can turn off the light I'm gonna make you feel alright (feel alright) Tonight Da da da da da da da Da da da da da da da
yesh indeed you can do what she did so much better, hahaha, so what can you do? teehehehe... anyways, ppl give some credit to paris, she can sing.
anyways, that was my shortest relationship... didi even got a chance to take a neocard... how idiotic... lucky never get a couple costume... gosh...
i'm just gonna put this song in too... 3 cheers for the PLAIN WHITE T'S coz their song really captures the event of wad guys are facing...
Take Me Away
I know we just got here but i think it's time to go I didn't want to believe it but now i know you know who just walked in and she didn't come alone I can't stand to see this get me home
Take me away I'm gonna hurt somebody take me away right now how could she say she wanted more you better take me away right now
I thought she was perfect she thought I was perfect too perfect until she found someone new now I'm stuck here watching her I can't take this abuse what can this guy do that I can't do?
Take me away I'm gonna hurt somebody take me away right now how could she say she wanted more you better take me away right now
Take me away
and yeah just gonna put teh late entry song as well... enjoy.
Hate (I Really Don't Like You)
Love, love, love, love, love, love. Woo!
You were everything I wanted. You were everything a girl could be. Then you left me brokenhearted, Now you don't mean a thing to me. All I wanted was your Love, love, love, love, love, love.
[Chorus:] Hate is a strong word, but i really, really, really don't like you. Now that it's over I don't even know what I liked about you. Brought you around, and you just brought me down. Hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really, really, really don't like you.
I really don't like you...
Thought that everything was perfect, Isn't that how it's supposed to be? Thought you thought that I was worth it, Now I think a little differently. All i wanted was your Love, love, love, love, love, love.
[Chorus]
Now that it's over, you can't hurt me. Now that it's over, you can't bring me down.
(Oh, oh...)
All i wanted was your Love, love, love, love, love, love.
[Chorus]
I really don't like you... [3x]
ok, time to move on and mend this broken heart, u know i shoudl ahve know that something was up between the two of you... but yeah, being a true friend the lies pass me through.. so, luck to you both... hopefully ya guys are happy and please dont say ya sorry, it just shows how pathetic you guys really are...
have fun getting her ***g**** and have fun getting ***g****
| caught in rapture @ 2:07 AM|
__________
Sunday, October 08, 2006
--[family support]--
to be or not top be... that is the question...
well i wanna be one, and if i have to pissed my dad to get wad i want, then he just have to bear with me, and i just have to be with him...
it is my life in the end, dosen't mean that my dad didnt achieve his dreams i shoud too. [i never knew wad he wanted to be]
well, muh dad asked me to quit my fashion fest thingy and concentrate on my O levels... i dont want to... O's is everything to almost everybody but not to me. i know wad i'm doing. and i dont think that i know it, coz i know it. get me get me?
nmv, btw Christina rhode is hot, i mean not hot, but nice... anyways yeah... she can definately pull of my calander dress. but well yeah...
| caught in rapture @ 9:14 PM|
__________
myself
fizzy. 16 going on 17. complicated. totally lost.
love
sadistic. fashion. dead poet society. darkness. lonliness.
